I can't write
and I don't know why

Oh who will teach me to make daisy chains?

I went to Gay Pride on Sunday.
I'm very, very, very sunburnt.
It was great fun.


I don't blog enough, I know.



Once in a while someone walks into your life
and you overlook them for a while.
Then all of a sudden.
"Flash. Bam. Alakazam"
And now,
now,
I look up and see
several somethings different.
I see,
you
different.
I see me. Different.


I've been studying a lot, as I am sure many of you are.
I have plans to go to KP tomorrow, possibly swimming.
Wed I'm going to a blues concert.
Friday is a bonfire.
Saturday is a birthday dinner.
Sunday? More studying (as I will be throughout the entire week)
Monday is my bio exam.
Tuesday is the grad dance.
Wed i'll SLEEP
Thursday I have an almost maybe sorta date?
Friday is my foot's MRI
Saturday is another birthday
Sunday is camp.

Quite the week and a bit in front of me.


Parting wisdom:

STOP
BREATHE
CRY IF YOU MUST

Little Star & Little Bird

Since when does it matter that it might not be good enough?

Since when does it mean something so big and huge and important that you might not win?

Have you ever seen someone inspiring?
What inspired you?


Certainly not the way they took everything out of their way, leaving nothing but a straight path.
Certainly not.

So why do we think it should be so easy for ourselves?

I want to inspire.

Maybe I do.

You know, I love fashion but I'm afraid of it.
I wonder why that is?

I follow so many fashion blogs. They start my day and often finish it.

I want to take photographs and write about them for a living.

I want to draw.

I want to find love.
I want to find that one person who makes my stomach feel like I've swallowed a million mexican jumping beans.
I want to find someone who will come over when I'm sick, and who won't care how nasty I am.
I want to find someone I can look at everyday, and everyday know that he is beautiful, and constantly find a new way he is.
I want to fall asleep on someone's stomach again, waking up only because time is always an essence.

I want to have someone I think is a gift

[all people are gifts, am I right? All persons are something to value, never mind have something to value.]

I want to not just have someone, but be had. And have it not matter how many came before or might come after for either one of us. I want to breathe in and act on impulse. If I want to kiss someone, damn it, why don't I? Why haven't I?

I want to go to Europe this spring break, and finally DO the fashion thing! WHY NOT?

I want to go for walks in the rain and come home and take a bath. I want to get soaked in these puddles. I want to have Ester home; she'd dance with me in the rain.

I remember one day before school, Ee and I were at school really early. We ended up walking to Starbucks in the POURING rain. And I mean, within 5 minutes we were so wet, nothing mattered anymore. We jumped in puddles, and screamed and laughed and got coffee that was so watered down it was ridiculous. We got to school drenched. We changed into gym clothes and missed the morning classes, as we waited for the dryer to finish with our clothing.

I'm fine alone.
But that doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer the alternative.

I can't picture me without you, even on the days I am.
And that sentence goes out to two different people, oddly enough.
Two different loves, two different kinds.

Love?

It's so easy to spend my days upbeat and "big" (as Longtin would say, BE BIG!)
It's so easy.
But I love sitting at home with my notebooks
my scrapbooks
my cameras
my guitar
my books
my paints.

I love sitting down, talking to you on the phone.
You know me. A few sides
You say I still surprise you, which is great.

I love being so calm when I'm with you.
What is it about you that makes me take a step back most of time?

Once upon a time there was a little star.
It lived so very high up, in the sky.
Little star had a friend named little bird.
Little Bird was little, but she was able to fly up just high enough, and Little Star was able to sink just low enough, that they were able to spend lots of time together.
Little Bird and Little Star loved eachother very much.
But Little Star was a star, and as the Earth turned, it took her away from her Little Bird.
Little Bird cryed and cryed and cryed, she was so said.
She tried to fly after Little Star, but her wings were too weak to keep up.
So, Little Bird accepted her place in the world.
She waited patiently.

She had faith that one day, the Earth would turn again in her favour, bringing her Little Star back to her.
And by then- her wings would be strong enough so that she'd never be left behind again.

MAYBE THIS MEANS MORE TO ME THAN I EVER WANTED;
NINETY NINE DAYS

More magical BC pictures

All pictures by me, uneditted

You know, I love the rain. maybe not the cold weather accompanying it lately, but the rain is wonderful. I love big storms.

I can't wait to go to Europe next SpringBreak. I'm all signed up.

Ironically, I have H1N1. However, like I said, it's just the flu. It sucks like any flu does. So, no big deal



Go on and dream like New York/ As high as the sky line/ Aim for the stars/ Above those city lights/ Gotta dream like New York/ I'm running down Broadway/ Gotta catch the next train/ I'm makin' my way

I have this book. A notebook. I've been working on it slowly. It's... it's hard to explain. It's special.
In it I have my bucket list. A peacock feather. A poem I wrote for someone's birthday. Something I wrote that made someone cry. A picture of a mountain...
Like I said, this book is strange, but it's special to me.

I went with my mother and bought plants today. Rose bushs and azalias and lilacs and cedears.
I love gardening.

Soon summer will be here.
It's a hopeful thought