i live on the edge
not in a good way.
in a
im always panicking,
always afraid
always worried.
something inside me is always nagging myself.
i hate it.
and i dont do anything to fix my problems.
i just wish them away
i try to ignore them.
thats wrong.
the end.
thats the wrong thing to do.
because they dont go away
they grow.

Part of my Summer To Do List

• make a fort
• make a book fort
• go on a mini road trip (4-6 hours one way limit)
• write a song
• go gokarting
• watch the sunrise
• have a classic picnic (dresses, sunhats, plaid blanket, wicker basket, the works)
• have a classic tea party
• go on a very long track walk with little star (full day)
• go skinny dipping!
• spend all day at the pool
• have a beach bonfire
• outdoor food fight -->cupcakes and mac&cheese
• laser tag
• rock climbing
• make a music video
• sleep on a trampoline
• horseback riding
• spend 24hrs in pjs
• daisy dukes day at the cottage! - cutoffs and bikini tops
• leave the country
• attempt at a fashion blog with little star

more to come, and ill keep you posted to what i accomplish now that summer has officially started

the hardest thing to do
is to look you in the eye

at least
at least
at least i said it.
at least i opened my mouth and my heart
and i let you know.
that i love you
from the bottom of my heart.
from the bottom of my person.
you don't love me.
i know that.
i wish i didnt.
i wish you did.
i wish we had been back in that room with your hand touching me and our faces connected and i didnt pull away and i didnt have to say it right then because in those moments we could have been magic but now
now?
at least you know.
at least i said it.
but i still feel
awful

you told me once dear/
that you really loved me/
you said no one else could come between/
now what did you mean?

looking forward to my new life. really. i am.
im letting go. im moving on. im accepting it.
and im happy.
time to wrap this mother up
and tie up my loose ends.
:)

<3

sometimes
if youre in the right spot
the city look like it's on fire.
and it shimmers and blazes.
it moves and pulses.
the city is burning, but i'm not.
i'm going to join it tonight
maybe ill even be the cause.
im not alive yet.
what'll it take?
ill take all my friends
we'll make a run
from mcdonalds to icecream stands
from pub to nightclub
from here to home and back again.
we'll stand on top of roofs and get as close to the edge as we can
just for one perfect photograph.
i have time. and i wont spend it at home
chocking
because you can't find your time for me.
im squinting at the city on fire.
its beautiful.

Kseniya Simonova - Sand Animation (Україна має талант / Ukraine's Got Ta...

so let's find a bar
so dark
we forget who we are
and all the scars from the nevers and maybes
die
lets go out tonight.

 its better than anything
to just be helpless
to just give it all up
and collapse completely
as you collapse on top of me.
ive never felt so raw
and ive never felt so real.
i feel
how funny,
i feel naked.
and thats ok.
its fine to be vulnerable sometimes.
im youre dirty little secret
and you are very little more to me
than a hot shower.
and we're ok with that.

street lights
stormy nights
your body next to mine
all i need is to feel your heat
all i need is one more beat
and you've got me falling over
falling over the edge.