Flypaper

No one's love comes close to yours, nothing's what it was before. My eyes are heavy, and my heart is sore.

I went to the carnival saturday night. I went on a ride. It was round like a ferris wheel, but the cars were a cage, and as I rode in a circle, my car spun in its own little circle.
I screamed, loud.
I laughed, hard.
I rose above the ground, towards the sky.
I couldn't see the stars, but I could see the moon in the black, light polluted sky. It was a half moon, a little rounded though. 5 days 'til the full moon.
I saw the moon right side up the first time.
On my second time around, I saw it upside down.
I hurtled head first towards the ground, feet up to the sky.
The world was bright, and loud and out of order.
I was in a state of anti gravity.
When I got back on the ground, I collapsed with laughter.
Nothing like being weightless, to make you feel so grounded later on.

I don't think I realized how much I need you until suddenly
you just weren't here.
And I looked around and said to myself.
Huh. Something is missing, isn't it?

Idunno, this weekend I'm just falling apart, and falling back together so swiftly I've lost count of the rotations.
[head first, feet up; feet first, eyes searching]

I know it's stupid for me to miss him, of all people. But tell me, how do you dislodge the bullet that's keeping your blood in?
How do you dig it out?
How do you have the faith that you won't die from the pain
or the blood loss,
or even the small bits of it you accidently left behind, which then traveled into your blood streams, into your heart/brain/lungs and kill you?
[that's the one that concerns me most]

This town doesn't feel the same
without my best friend at my side.
I go to the park or make a cup of coffee.
I think of how my other half would be
climbing the treesor making fun of how much sugar I use
[i use a significantly less amount now. I'm sorry to think that you missed the transition]
I wander about and sometimes turn to tell you abouthow the red door is beautiful in the sunlight.
I reach for my phone and start to dial your number
"793-..."It's like phantom limb syndrom
like when people go to war and lose an arm,
but they think that they can still feel it;
but they can still feel it.