lots of little thoughts

Zac and I are gonna do something this newyearseve.

not sure what yet.

im not really the party kind of a person. it's just not my thing.

I have successfully names all my electronics.

iPod: Energy, but also known as Ike
phone: Eric

camera: Pip

Computer: Lila (Lie-lah)

met up with an old friend today.

i had forgotten how much i had missed her until then.

Steven said a pole

My mind is everywhere today.

My sister is home and that makes me happy.
But don't tell her.

Oh please don't let there be something wrong.
but,

maybe,

its easier if there is?

I love sunny delight

and my big packet of crayons

I miss writing poetry

All the kids are poets now.
Can you hear their minds
growling.
Growling
with the hunger and anticipation
we've come to associate
with wolves these days?

Yes,
The kids are all
wolves now.
With pens and paper
for teeth and claw

And minds...
and minds...

Minds more dangerous than both.

i love pomegranate and recycling

Christmas has come and gone

I worked Christmas eve. and today, boxing day.

Christmas eve i made a point to wish everyone a merry Christmas.

today i spent my shift marking down items and re-arranging my store so it no longer looks warm and christmasy.
it feels cold and sad now.

To those who follow my blog and recall, I had a post about an elderly couple who came in. The old lady talking about citrus peels, and the old man using such eloquent language.
To those who recall,
my manager told me on Christmas eve, after i had served them, that they are banned from the store.
Apparently the women once got angry because the ice cream she bought was frozen yogurt, and proceeded to dump it on the floor, smoosh it with her foot, soon after which a man slipped on it and broke something.

I was saddened by this.

I got an iPod from my sister, who is BC finally
(another post will be dedicated to her adventures getting there)
and a camera from my mother.

However, my highlights were not those, although they are wonderful and extravagant.
My father, bought me a pair of earrings.
That in itself is odd enough, my father does not shop often, its mostly up to my mum.
These earrings ( i am wearing them now) are made of recycled metal, and look like little men wearing shorts.
My father knew exactly how much i would love them, for the green factor, and really, because they are so darn cute.

My sister, also bought me a tree.
Yes, a tree.
A Pomegranate tree.
It will grow in my room. It'll be 5 feet tall when its mature, and flower, then give me actual fruit.
How. Fucking. Cool.
Excuse my language.

I asked Steven a question today.
"A man walks into a bar, but it isn't a bar. What is it?"
Give me your answers. I'll post his and mine something before the end of the month

Post #100

Today:
We had a Christmas lunch.

My father, my mother, my sister and me. Add in my sister and my boyfriend's and that equals a house too full and some silly times.

It wasn't as bad as my sis and i had anticipated. Everyone got on really well.

We had our Christmas lunch today because-

Tomorrow:
My sister is hopping a plane and going to BC

to visit our grandmother.

No one else is going, we couldn't get the time off work.
I'll miss her, I'll admit it.
This year I work, so I got her a man made sapphire necklace, with little diamonds around the sapphire, on a silver chain.

It looks gorgeous with her hair and eyes and skin tone, if I do say so myself.

I'll miss my sister.

Awaking up Christmas morning will be weird without A,

complaining about how early the rest of us are up, making tea,

cuddling whatever fuzzy clothing my mother got us

(this year it's socks. Fuzzy toe socks and regular but stripy ones)

Grinning as everyone else opens up their presents

and showing little emotion when she opens hers.

Demanding I make cinnamon buns as it is tradition.

And Complaining about the waste of paper.

Merry Christmas A.

I know you'll love being in Vancouver Island for the holidays.

Recently:

Ee, my wonderful dearest best friend,

whom is so high on the totem pole,

got me a Christmas gift.

It's a beautiful notebook,

and we are going to be sending it back and forth

between Calgary and here.
My present to her was a gold iPod nano, 4g.

Gold for me as a who,

gold for GC,

and gold for dreams.

Mine cost more,

but her gift is better.

I wanted to get her something to remember me by,

and she got something that insured we wouldn't forget.

She says she feels cheap.
I say I feel materialistic and silly.

Question:
If I wanted it,

but not from that person;

If i thought I wanted it

but thenwhen I got it i didnt;

if i wanted to stop but...

is it my fault?

or the other persons?

or both?
Am I stupid for thinking that I could have changed what was already in the process? Am I so naive as to think that person would be okay with it? Am I so god damn fucking idiotic that I would accept a no for an answer when I know that what I need is not a no but an, okay whatever youre comfortable with? Is it my fault still?
Is it?
I don't know.

I miss Seussical, but i refuse to write about it.

i like seussical, i like the people.

sad its over, happy it happened.

thanks for the memories everyone.

Happy One Hundreth Post.

Thanks to those who read me.

Dear Paul

I'd never tell you this in person,
but when you called me a 2000 watt bulb,
i almost cryed right then and there.

thanks.
coffee soon, eh?

Flypaper

She decided to free

herself, dance into the

wind, create a new

language. And birds

fluttered around

her, writing "yes"
in the sky.

I reseved an award. How lovely. Thank you

"This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY-nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this clever-written text into the body of their award."

Well I pick only one today.
Darling M.


So lets see.... my life right now...
As many of you know, my best friend is moving to another province.
I've known about it for months, but we've been carefully and steadily ignoring it.
"We have 3 months"
"We have 2 months"
"We still have one more month"
We have a matter of weeks or days.

I dont want her to go.
I want her to grow and change and love and be free,
but why can't she do it here?!

In choir class the other day
Captain Awesome was playing a sad song about goodbyes
and Ee and I just stood there.
When the song stopped i crossed to the other side of the piano where she stood and gave her a hug.
Then without warning I burst into tears.
MatKnight and AWeibe thought I was crazy.
I hadn't cryed over it before.
But I'll never have another choir class with her.
Or skip chem and go to the mall with her.
I have one more school day left with her because of the play.
I feel cheated.
I feel selfish, but I feel like this isnt fair to me. I know it isnt fair to her, having her rip up her whole life and just... go.
I want her to stay.

Today she is coming over to chill. Play video games, compare gifts we bought. All that good stuff.

She may not be here for Christmas.

Dorian Grey donates you his picture with his gratitude

And where the two birds where flying,
I swear I saw you and I.
I swear I saw you and I.

Sometimes,
i look around me
and i think to myself
"so many happy faces"
but then i look in the mirror and say
"such a happy face"
and now I look deeper into those 'happy faces'

i guess what im saying is we all hide.
i guess what im saying is we do it without trying.
we lie about if we're okay with this
or happy with that person,
or just plain feeling okay.

it doesnt seem like a big deal.

what if we were Dorian Grey?
What if, every little white lie changed us somehow?
More so than it already does.
Is there a painting of us somewhere,
distorted or beautified,
or just plain different,
because of all those lies?
What if it all showed on our faces now?
Like Pinnochio I guess, although I wasn't trying to go in that direction.
More like,
freckles. Or the tint of your eyes.
little things.

Maybe they good ones do good and the bad lies do bad.
Maybe they already do.

Its ; Apathy

it's the uncontrolable urge to put pen to paper

& create

it's pretending to flirt with Elan, him pretending to flirt back,
& then vomiting in unison

it's see a lanlard that says "WWJD"
& thinking about Ee

it's wanting to give every customer a discount,

& doing it

it's being so tired you cry, then getting a large caramel mocha,

& smiling

its tieing a bell wreath to your work apron, getting weird look

& not caring.

Apathy is Contagious
ACT UP

How lucky I am

Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming back home to a house full of you.
Lucky to have you as my best friend.

So I'm singing for you
I've raised my voice so high
It might not be pretty, but it's an honest.
And there's nothing that I'd rather do
than be trying so hard to get you to see,

that every moment we shared was so right,
and every quote we wrote down too,
every song we listened to over the phone,
and every breath we took.

Lucky to have been where I have been
(it brought me straight to you)
Lucky to be coming back home to you
Lucky my love is my best friend.




[how badly i wish this was about crocs]

Lord I love McBeth

For the poor wren, the most diminutive of birds will fight.
All is the fear and nothing is the love, as little is the wisdom, where the flight, so runs against all reason.

I love Christmas. I love Christmas shopping. I love the smell and the taste. I even love working during Christmas. I love helping people find just exactly the right thing, or telling them what store can.

How will thou live?
As birds do, with what I get, I mean, and so do they.
Poor bird! Thou wouldst never fear the net nor lime, the pitfall nor the gin.

I really do need to get on those essays for new york. i dont know why i keep putting it off.

Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell. Though all things foul would wear the brows of grace, yet grace must still look so.

[Absolute-]
[-Uncertainty]
Math, dont be English, in which we read and my mind
is inflicted, with CONTRADICTIONS.
"Fair is foul and foul is fair"
"Let false face hide what in false heart doth lie"
I'm sure math, that you feel certain and safe in your
"absolute uncertainty"
but I feel obliged
to rip the carpet
out from under your metaphysical feet.
Dearest math, who never was so dear to me,
nothing is absolute
and only you
are uncertain.

Remind Someone, They're Not Alone

Because somedays,
sometimes,
that's all it takes.

Alright so maybe I am angry.

I'm angry at you for your lack of ability to see when what you say offendes people and your total lack of social skills.
I'm angry at you because you promised to call and didn't.
I'm angry at you because you decided to change us
I'm angry because you're leaving me.
I'm angry because you don't see.
I'm angry because you don't want to.
I'm angry at you because you change when you're around others
I'm angry at you because you hurt me so much.