A little writing, and a story for you all

So sometimes
darling
dearest
it's just too hard to be around you.
Sometimes
sweetie
baby
I think if I have to stand here and try to make nothing up to you
I'll honestly just have to kill myself.
Today love
I'm even still trying to make it work.
Today duckie
I want to be close to you again.
Yesterday hun
you hurt me so much
and
me?
I stood there and didn't cry.
I stood there and didn't apoligize
this time around.
And me?
And I?
I wanted nothing more than to tackle you
to hurt you back
and to hold you close and cry
because I still don't know when I lost you.
Because I still miss you everyday.
Sometimes
I just hate myself as much as I hate you.
Most days.
I love you
but more than mostly,
I hate you more than that.



Music is like flypaper.
When you hear a song that used to be such a part of you
and it just makes you feel like you did, way back when.
Or bring back Random memories you had forgotten all about.

List of memory songs:
Chili Con Carne
Halleujah
This Love
Tears in Heaven
I'm Yours
Kiss Me
A Little Prayer
Shadows of the Deep
At Last
Build Me Up Buttercup :)
Sisters of Mercy
Oh Suzanne
Homeward Bound
You Can Call Me Al
Step by Step
John Williams : Theme from Schindlers List


Let me tell you a story
About my old friend.
"Lily"
So Lily and I met when we were both lil' youngins. I think it was on the playground when we were six. My first memory of playing with her is when we sat in the little red tunnel and gossiped about things that six year olds gossip about. Pets, favourite colours, our toys, what kind of clips we had in our hair. We were in grade one.
I remember her coming over when we were in grade 2 or 3. We ran around my neighborehood. We gossiped under my bed. I showed off my kitty. We made Kool-Aid. Lily left and my mother commented on how nice of a girl she seemed.
Her and I were best friends all through elementary school. We lived close to eachother.
Now, those who know me well understand that I am a rather naive person. Those who don't, this is an important note in the this story.
Lily liked to... tell some rather big stories. When I was little I always outright believed her. Once I was older I believed her dispite that I knew better, because she was my best friend. I thought it was wrong for me to not trust my best friend.
Lily seemed to see this. She started doing little things.
In grade 6 my teacher convinced me to keep a diary and journal. He wanted me to do more writing on my own. I was tentitive, but he bought me one. With a lock and only one key. I loved it and filled it quickly. I bought one on my own. I didn't get a lock, being still naive, I didn't see the need.
I took to writing in it everyday. About everything. Now at this time, I, well, didn't have the greatest time with my parents. We had some bad days, some worse days, and a couple eye-of-the-storm days.
So one day I went to Lily's house for another one of our weekly sleepovers. I brought my journal and wrote a bit in it.
I go home. I open my bag after a fight with my parents to write a little bit and
its
not
there.
I couldn't figure it out.
Like I said, naive.
A week later a mutual friend Lisa tells me that Lily has been reading my journal out to everyone. I don't believe her, I tell her that Lily would never do a thing like that. I don't speak to Lisa for another week.
The day I started speaking to Lisa again was the day I go over to Lily's house again for a sleepover. Lily goes upstairs to get a drink, and I stay in her room, just kinda looking around.
Then
I see it.
My journal. Half sticking out from under her bed.
Now for a moment I just sit there. I have no clue what to do about this.
After a few seconds, I grab my journal and throw it into my bag. Lily comes back down and the night proceeds like nothing happend.

STORY TO BE CONTINUED