A response to Bev

Love changes.
Maybe something happens to you that makes you lose the trust in the person, as well as a part of yourself.

Rape victims, for example?

Sometimes the person, both people, I guess, change.
And its the kind of change thats just too different.
To the point where you don't know eachother anymore. To the point where nothing is the same as how it was?
I believe in a love that changes,
a love that was once there will always be there in some form. Love is forever,
but it changes.
Because people change.
Nothing can remain the same forever.
Sometimes, you love someone for a long time, but you both change
and you arent changing together
its the little changes that pull you apart,
and its not waking up and realizing you dont love them anymore
its waking up and realizing you dont know them anymore.
its realizing that qualities you used to admire are no longer there, that something between you too is missing now.

For example, I had a dream last night.

I was looking for something, so i went into my school library.
I saw him sitting there at the computer, with a webpage up, and headphones on.
I realize that thats the person im looking for.
I go and take off his headphones
He turns around and i realize who he is.
Im shocked
but we smile at eachother.
He holds me like he used to and i remember everything that was good about him.

I suppose I still love him
but even upon waking, I know this love is different from what it used to be.
It's an, im sorry for everything, i wish you the best, maybe one day things'll be easier, love.
It's an, I can't be with you, but I want every happiness in the world for you because you still have a place in my heart, love.

Not the love that can hold us together, but love. its different. its changed.


There is no rule. There is nothing you can use to pin it down.
It's like, the ghost of a butterfly.
You want to pin it down, collect it and admire it, and keep it with you forever,
but your pin just goes right through it.
It settles on your shoulder for a time,
then flys away.
You reach out to grab at it and your hand goes right through it
but you can feel it in your hand,
and remember what it looked like,
though you aren't holding it, and you never pinned it down.
Does that make sense?


Or sometimes, they hurt you far too much, far too badly for you every to see them the same way again,
that's something too.
and as much as you want to, you can't find it inside to even look them in the eyes or at their hands to try to understand and trust and love again.
Sometimes the best thing for you is to lock it away until you are whole enough to make sense of everything
and by then, it's gone?

Love left untended is like a garden left untended.
Somethings will wither and die,
something will overgrow and take over.

But at the same time,
we are the garden.
and love is our water and sun and air
or our gardener.
It's our self respect and self image and confidence and...
its everything.
It's what makes us whole.


Did I just get disgustingly romantic and cheesy there?
Yuck. Sorry guys