My One and Only Photo Shoot

One of my first tries with my dig camera, some of the pictures were alright
(the two girls in here, without a doubt, don't want their names used. if you know them, don't say their names! xD)

Setting? My room.
Clothing? All mine, from various sources.

Just noticed the redhaid has her head down of every picture xD oops. oh well. let's call it artistic

Where ever you are today,

and tomorrow,

find one thing that is pretty,

that's pleasing to look at

And I know, it's fun to pretend

In my house,

you need to shout to be heard.
Shout and repeat yourself many times.
Many. Many. Many times.

Sometimes I love how messy my house is

sometimes, everyone here just makes me want to scream.
Scream.

I can't deal with the constant "heated debates"
How my sister is aggressive with everything she says

my father is snide and rude

and my mother is intolerant.

Ee & I used to drink rootbeer whenever we were down.
"Ee, I failed my precal test"
"Aww honey. Rootbeer run?"
"Absolutely"
It's interesting, I think.
It was our beer. Our pot. Our de-stress.
I try not to drink it without her now

How does my heart feel,

in your hands?

I shouldn't have gotten so close.
Shouldn't have let you in.

I didn't want to care so much. I should have disconnected while I had the chance.

But, now this matters.
I wish this didn't matter.

Free falling

wishing I could fly
stars brushing my arms,

moon falling behind me,

accompanying my descent

Listen to music your best friend

loves, and you don't know.
It'll be alright.

Two words; Naive

Somedays it's easier to be hurt by you

and be angry at you,

than it is to listen and to comfort.
Than it is to be there and know,
I can't do anything.
(I'm sorry.)

I've never been drunk.
Because I've never drank.
Never smoked, anything.
Never been high off pills.
I don't go to partys,

I'm a virgin.
I don't go to church.
I don't eat breakfast.
I used to have an eating disorder.
I used to be so depressed, and in a scary place.
I used to want to do all those things;
Drink, smoke, get high, party, have sex, find god (or give him the middle finger), and eat more.
I don't know why I just... didn't.
(except for eating more. I'm healthier now)
& I'm sure if I thought about it, I'd think of so many more things that I could add to that list of thing's I've never done.
I feel young and inexperianced today.
I feel like I know nothing about the world,

and, that I'm naive.
Didn't you once warn me about that?
"Don't be naive, ______-"
Well,

I can look at this list and say,

these aren't things I want to be experianced with,

and that's true,

but somehow I can't help feeling like I haven't

really lived yet.

It's a cold one again kiddos. Minus 37

Bundle up! Stay warm!
And if you go skating,

hold someone's hand for warmth.

Book to read:
The Edible Women
By Margaret Atwood

Oh, Money can't buy you love-

But it can buy you a good time.

Who remembers that?
Ah, Brandon a year ago. What adventures it had in store for us all.
Moving on,
I spent far too much money over the past week or so. Between my "radical need" and my realization that I have 2 years university socked away in a savings bond, I allowed myself to overspend.
However, here a mixture of what I did (: Because I like things. I'm materialistic. It's true. I won't deny it.

First off, Food.
Oh my goodness. I have this things
with expensive, delicious food.
I went to Cora's with a friend on Friday
for breakfast.
Does anyone else but me think over $15 for breakfast

is a little bit completly ridiculous?
Oh, but it was good. I have no regrets.

Second, and my guilty pleasure.
Niva products.

I absolutly love all things Niva.
The smell so clean, and they do wonders for your skin...
I have over 10 different products by them

A month, I probably spend $20+

Third. Shoes.
The other day I bought a pair of

perfectly awful, but awfully cool

Red Fringe Boots.
$40. Wonderful.
Earlier I bought (my first!)

pair of black heels. $30

Four. Not an everyday expense
But I finally got a new sweater.
Finally, because I only had one that fit and worked.
Purple, on sale, $20

Five. Makeup.
Although I don't wear a crap load of makeup,
I love fun colours. I really really do.
I love eyeshadow, though you'll never see me wear it at school.
I always wear a TINY bit of mascara,

and if I'm tired, a little black eyeliner on the bottom lid,

for an exotic look (:
As well,

my new favourite thing in the world,

is a caffine eye roller.
It gets rid of puffs under the eyes so quickly,

after a long night of crying/partying/studying/WHATEVER

this thing is a lifeline. I swear.

Six. Something I actually get CHEAP.
Headbands.
I have one lululemon head band. Cost me ten bucks.
I learned my lesson.
I have 6 headbands (no-name)
Cost me $1.21
Easy. & I love the colours.


This mightbe my only ever fashion blog. Enjoy it kids

Any good buys lately kids?

Radical Man

Tonight

My body and my mind are rebelling against me.
I feel so tired.
But I feel such a need to be active.
Tonight I want to cut my hair short again.
Really short.
Short. Non-existent.

I have this obsession with changing myself lately.
I want to re-invent

If I had more money, I'd go for it.
I plan on, once I'm 18, getting my nose pierced.
And my belly button.
Getting two tattoos,

and bleaching chunks of my hair.

I want to wear more of my daring clothing,

the stuff i do my photo shoots in.

I want to paint my nails red.

I want to draw a murel on my closet wall.

I want to feel so free tonight.
I want to not think about the future

and the recent past.
I want to think about

WHAT DO I WANT?

What do I want?
How often do you ask that question,

with the intentions to seriously listen to yourself,

and deal and cater to what you learn?
How often do you say,

"Gee I wish I could..."
"Gee, I would really like to..."
"If only I was..."
Well, why not?
What's holding us back?
What's holding me back tonight?
Nothing. That's what.
I think I'll go do something radical.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
&,
WHY NOT GET IT?

The Frozen city starts to glow.

Seeing you places where I am

makes my heart jump

in a completly inappropriate sort of way.
How dare it?
How dare you?! Being in public places?!


Seeing that you've lost weight,

knowing you aren't eating.
Seeing the circles under your eyes,

and knowing you aren't sleeping.

Hearing you voice shake,

and knowing you are fighting.
Seeing you smile,

knowing you crave my touch.

Listening to you speak,

of how you're going to destroy yourself this time,

knowing I can't hold on to you.
Knowing you need someone.
Knowing I can't be that someone.
Knowing I won't be that someone.

Alice entered Wonderland,
pushed through the looking glass.
Demanded the secrets of the World.
The essences,
the perfections, and the faults,
and gave it up.
Why Alice? Why?
Why would you go home?
Why leave Wonderland?
And Wendy-
Why leave Neverland?
Why?
I'd never go home.

Ee,
what is it about you that makes me crave summer?
Oh. Right. That. :)
We'll have a grand time when you return,
a grand time.
We'll go for drives to the country,
and as much as we love the mountains,
we shall bask in the glory that is the praries.

What made today different?

It's been a Long Day

Getting walked on is a part of life.
A camp friend once told me,

"It's better to be a doormat,

than to be a footstool."

Well,

what do you think?

I don't know, myself.
All I know is that sometimes,
the things you, and you, and you,

make me want to scream and pull out my hair.
And don't get me wrong,

I'm a strong person.
I pride myself in it.
But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt,

right?
Right.
That doesn't mean I don't get hurt everytime you say you'll call, and don't.
Everytime you don't take no for an answer,

Everytime you stand me up,
Everytime you ignore me

Everytime you belittle me
Everytime you call me "child" and "baby"

Everytime you walk out

Or run away

Or blame me

Or shame me

Or simply push me too hard.

When you accidently smack me in the face, and laugh.
When I tell you I'm sad, and you tell me

"If it makes you feel better, I'm not mad you didn't want to do something today."
I resolved this year to not be a doormat.
Perhaps I'm not,

maybe the answer all along is that I am indeed a footstool.

I never felt better,

than the day I looked back on my food journal,

and realized that that part of my life was behind.
I never felt more beautiful, more proud of myself.
I never felt like a stronger and better person.

Dubia.
Dubia.
Dubia.
The word, the name,

Rolls off my tounge.
I want to be there.
I want to be there,

basking in luxery,

releaved of worry for a few days.

Come with me.
I've extended a hand to you,
I'm asking you to come to a place where they sell

the magic carpets,

where the gold is more beautiful,

where the spice and the sea never leave you,

where the heat soaks into our bones,

and we can leave this cold wasteland prarie behind,

where the freedom is complete

and every breath is a safe one.

You can go anywhere.
Where do you go?

You text me & wake me up, but I don't care a smidge

Ugh chemistry

suffice to say, I do not believe I passed.

I don't like Chinese food.

How it smells or tastes or looks.
I just don't like it, can't stand it.
Too bad where I live it's the new thing.

Shucks.

Sometimes, people can't take a hint.
Sometimes I can't either.

But if I say that I dont want to do this,

well,

Golly. I wonder what I mean by that?

My favourite lotion

is Shea Butter from The Body Shop,

which is nice and thick and hydrating-y.

And I mixed in some lavender essential oil,

so now it smells wonderful too.
I use it on my hands and my legs.

I need more books, this much is true.
I've read all the ones I have.

I think I'll go book shopping sometime soon.

http://www.bookcrossing.com/

this is the greatest thing ever,

I have started using it,

and am about to release my first book!
horrah!

Tell someone you would miss them if they died,
and then explain why.

Bar Song Two

George's mind whirled, flashing back to the Wednesday before last, when a young women entered his office, carrying flowers, and wearing the most hideous pink polo shirt in all of humanity.
"Sandra's Flowers"
stated the back in fat, black script.
Sandra's Flowers, for George.
George's flowers.

His birthday flowers.
As the young last, attractive enough to be so in that horrid pink shirt, handed him those sweet white carnations, he couldn't help but notice that her hands were soft and graceful, as they moved to tie her hair back, or how that said hair was richly toned with reds and browns.
And how he felt terribly

obviously,

mortifyingly,

48.

As she walked away, he open the little card with his fat old fingers.
"Happy Birthday Daddy"
it read
"Love Mary, Beth, & Joe"
48.

Do you ever, just breifly,
fatasize about being someone else?
I do. I wish I was him, or her, or the girl on the bus.
I wish I knew them, wish I understood them.
Wish I could help them, be there for their choices and their hard times.
A girl from Dubia, in all black.
A little boy in spain, playing soccer with his friends.
An artist in France, who knows all the real places, the ones tourists would never go to.

And there are days when I wish to remain so anonymous that I won't even talk to my friends.
I'll just go out in the city and chat with strangers.
I'll wander and be lost in the crowds.
By a hotdog from a guy on Portage
and tip him generously.
Run at pidgeons on the street, because I don't like them.
Sit on the back of a bus for hours, not really going anywhere.

If the world ended today, right now, what would you regret?

(not holding you enough
not being there for you enough
not taking enough risks
not smiling enough)

Oh dear.

Lately, I have been thinking about you daily.

Get out of my head

"Gawan, Geet"
Today I decided

"hey. lets see if we can go a whole day without talking to eachother"
so i dont text you or call you

thinking to myself, rather smugly,

that hey. im awesome.

but then you go ahead and call me yourself, without prompting.

Well, let me say my smuggness vanished.

How quickly I forget that this isn't like it was with him and me.

And that's good... right?
Unless we happened too fast after the fact

in which case, oh no,

what if im replacing him with you

what if...

and then....

but....

what if...

what if....

what if?

Drama preformance today, by the 11's.
Wonderful and cute.
Special shout out to Trev and The, because they made me laugh so hard I had to cover my mouth, as I was recording.
Great job kiddo's!


Regina Spektor is the new person I want to be.

Some people need to just go away. You know?
people who just can't leave you alone, won't stop talking to you,

to the point where it's like,

I hardly know you, dont dump all your issues on me, I DONT CARE, dont think of me as a replacment her.
I feel like people are trying to get me to take your place Ee.
I hate it.
I refuse it kiddo.
Because you're not gone.
You just can't be....

How awesome would this be?
It would be so handy...

and would keep your cookies nice and warm and chewy ^^

When's Lent?