The colour falls like snow; the feeling of letting go

The Jazz Singer : The first ever talkie

Today is one of those days where you just can't help but feel great

One of those days where you want to

sing and scream

and laugh and dance

and go for walks and runs in the snow.
Where you want to call a friend

you haven't spoken too in a long time,

and get to know them again.

Today is a day where you make cupcakes

with bright blue and yellow and green icing.
Today is cut your nails short so you can grow them long again day.
Today is THE DAY.
Today is the day where we stand up

get up

get out

be colour, and fly.
Today is the day where we write a note,

fold it up,

turn it into a paper airplane,

and throw it
Today is the day you tie that note

to a ballon

and let it fly away from you.

Today is the day
where you scream everything you feel

and think,

to yourself.
And when you tell it to who you need to.
And dress bright,

wear bright makeup up,

and a bright smile,

for the bright night ahead of you, day.

Nothing wrong in the world tonight,

nothing so the matter that it can't

be fixed.
Not a thing so wrong that it can hold me down.
Not a thing I would let weigh on me.

Streetlights are spinning, the night is just beginning, and then it comes on strong. When I'm up, I can't get down.
The colour falls like snow; the feeling of letting go

Today is also a day

for bold print

nonesense

and lots of water.

Nightmares

Lately,

I've been having nightmare after nightmare

after nightmare

after nightmare.
You know that feeling,

where you have a nightmare,

and you wake up, and you don't remember it,

but you can't move?

I've been having strange nightmares lately too.
Ranging... everywhere.

Silly little horror movie styles

ones about dying

ones about others dying

about being pregant

about smoking lots of ciggs

about killing someone,

hurting someone,

missing something,

showing up naked for school,

growing old,

working living dying in a cubicle

messing up

being with someone I don't want to,

getting married,

drowning

burning my notebooks and then burning myself,

ETC

too many lately.

I must be unsound. Wow.

I read somewhere that if you're too hot at night, you're more likely to get nightmares,

but i just sleep under sheets lately and that doesn't help. huh.


Anything you guys do after a nightmare, or to stop them?

Sarah Slean

A penny for your thoughts,

a nickle for your kiss,

and a dime if you say that you love me.

Artist I want everyone to check out:
Sarah Slean.
ABout 30 years old,

absolutly tiny.
Vivacious, poetic, and talented.
She's written a bunch of her own stuff, in fact,

most of it.
Her style ranges all over the spectrum,

and she's even done some pink flyod covers.

My picks:
Day One
Angel
Me and Jerome
Somebody's Arms

Get Home
Oh Please Be Good To Me
Vertigo
Pilgrim
Lucky Me

This girl is Canadian, and an all around preformer,

and has been a favourite of mine since I was 11.
She recently came out with a new cd
Called "The Baroness"
where all the music on it,

she wrote while in Paris.
Ahh!
I want to be her!

Live,

she is simply, amazing to watch.
Her voice is the same as it is on a cd

and she's hilarious.
She wrote a song called Euphoria, that goes something like this

Take me, love me,

and fill the portions of me

that are dark

and warm and deep

-here she stops to make a little shocked face at the audience-

I'm going to, once again, add a piece of her writing, that was addressing a fan email; re: the mention of anorexia in one of her songs

There is no sorrow, no anguish, that love cannot heal. And I don't mean just meeting a fabulous man or having a pet or being best pals with someone. I mean discovering for yourself love in its most profound sense - a feeling that inspires awe and an ocean of gratitude, and above all, a trust... What Tolstoy called "a relationship with the infinite". You can find this. Because, here is the beautiful secret, it is within you and it is endless. The more you think about the silent wonders that abound - your lungs for instance, your eyeball and the incredible intricacy of its work, the trees growing right now (think of all the trillions of trees on earth growing so gracefully and silently right now!) the forces that keep the walls around you steady and the sun rising at dawn, and on and on, the more you begin to realize that you are part of the divinity that is this world, the divinity that is the infinite origin of everything. How could you not be? And that nothing is asked of you or demanded of you other than for you to just BE. (How often I've tried to get in the way of this! To muscle a different path for myself! A bird is a bird, a fish is a fish, just be, just be who you are!! Kids are masters at this, and what other being emits as much pure joy? You are enough, you are a miraculous creature, and that is all. Part of eternity. You are love. The most amazing thing you could ever do is simply let that be - let the love express itself. The rest, petty details. And you'll notice that when this realization really starts to live in your heart, you are less afraid. And fear I think is at the heart of all hatred, all harm, all suffering.
Fear was at the heart of the hatred I expressed toward myself for many years. And that hatred manifested in all sorts of destructive behaviours.
For a long time I felt that I was useless. This is the cruelest thing anyone can utter to oneself, and over time, it starts to do serious damage. I was so pained by the suffering I could see around me, by the anger and pollution and greed in the world. And I would look in the mirror and say "What are you doing writing songs and tinkling on a piano for your living? You've got to be kidding! Is this what you are doing with your compassion and intelligence? Your time on earth? Selfish useless loser!" And so on. I remember a moment in my apartment in Paris - I looked up from the bathroom sink and suddenly "witnessed" how I was speaking to myself in my thoughts. I looked into my own eyes that were so full of disgust and sadness, red-rimmed from tears and booze and insomnia, and I realized I was looking at my sadistic captor. I was looking at the tyrant.
When you are full of cruelty it is as if you have a cruelty-seeking pair of glasses on. The world looks unjust, sick, and callous because that is the filter you've chosen. When you are fighting yourself so vehemently, you bring people and situations and thoughts into your life that will feed that combat. Eating becomes conflict. Exercising is punishment. Your career, your relationships, your speech, all become war.
When you disarm, everything changes.
Permit me this little instructive exercise for disarmament. Go to a nearby park. Sit down in a spot free from noise or distraction and have a good look at a tree. A good long look. Imagine it smiling at you. Seriously!... You'll know what I mean. Try it.
Disarming means knowing love and trusting it as truth. Love then gets behind every one of your senses. You see food as the sun and the rain's conspiracy to strengthen and sustain you. You see difficult people and situations as opportunities to deepen your compassion. You hear the plea for love that is hiding behind all complaints, attacks and criticisms. You feel the life in your body, in another's body, and you're amazed.
I hope this helps. I truly believe that we're here to elevate our understanding of love and to awaken to its transformative potential... I think there is no other more noble pursuit.

Dear, to whom it may concern

Dear World,

stop spinning for a few days,

I'm getting kinda dizzy.

You know those night

where you are just so exhausted

and you're awake, thinking.
And you come up with brilliant idea

and wonderful speechs.
Amazing rhymes, and witty things,

and solutions to your current problem,

and you wake up,

and realize you forgot everything?
I'm having one of those nights.
A though is half way done and I'm already confused about

what it was I was thinking about.

Watched Dracula today.
The poor Count.
I now defy anyone to tell me

he is the villian in the story.

I'm glad we talked about it,

finally.
I'm glad we decided to try harder,

to make this work.
But,
I don't really believe

that thing's'll change one bit.


Not much left to say folks.

But my one baby tree,

has two new friends.
Talking to them appears to be working

Goodnight

People watching; You are home; I can hear you

We're all as lonely as we wanted to be

all as lonely as we wanted to be.
It's only true, if we believe.

I can't remain still,
can't remain seated.
I can't stay here

while you're leaving,

while you spin off into a beautiful future.
I can't keep my hands at my side

I can't resist the urge to reach out to you

to hold your hand

to pull you seated next to me,

just for a bit.

Just for a bit.

Sit here with me tonight.
Stay with me.
Give me your body;
give me your shoulder for tissue,

your chest for the best pillow I've ever had,

your arms for a security blanket.
Give me every inch and part of you tonight,
I can't bear to spend another night alone,

missing your conversation

and comfort.

I can't stand to lie here,

knowing you're feeling alone

away from me.

I can't stand to walk away tonight

All I want,

is a little understanding here.
All I want, is to know,

why I find home in your arms each time,

and why we break away so soon.
I want to know what it was

that I mistook for pity in your eyes.
I want to know you.
I want to know what we are

and why.
I want to know and I want it more than I can possibly say.
Tonight,
I don't want to be alone anymore.
Tonight,
I want home with you.

You're the only light I ever saw,
I know you're in there, I can hear you caring.

You're unhappy aren't you? I can tell.
You made me feel beautiful,

with every glance that holds a smile
Love is the movement-
We accept the love we think we deserve.

I'm A Mother!

That's right! You heard me!
I'm a mother.
To a baby...

Tree.

Remember my baby pomegranate tree?

It's finally sprouted.

I shall refrain from naming it, as of yet.
It's so small, I can't even be certain it will survive.
But... Wow! I am just so....!
I'm growing a tree!
I'll have it as long as I live if I do this right!
It'll give me fruit, and oxygen.
It helps me save the planet.

Should I talk to it?
Play it music?

I feel silly,

but my, it's a beauty. Been in the world only a day or two.

What a proud mommy I happen to be (:
I love my tree.

Looking out the window, at a very grey and sad winter day. But something green catches my eyes. Something small. Tiny. What is that?
Oh my gosh.

Love something smaller than you
& protect it

My One and Only Photo Shoot

One of my first tries with my dig camera, some of the pictures were alright
(the two girls in here, without a doubt, don't want their names used. if you know them, don't say their names! xD)

Setting? My room.
Clothing? All mine, from various sources.

Just noticed the redhaid has her head down of every picture xD oops. oh well. let's call it artistic

Where ever you are today,

and tomorrow,

find one thing that is pretty,

that's pleasing to look at

And I know, it's fun to pretend

In my house,

you need to shout to be heard.
Shout and repeat yourself many times.
Many. Many. Many times.

Sometimes I love how messy my house is

sometimes, everyone here just makes me want to scream.
Scream.

I can't deal with the constant "heated debates"
How my sister is aggressive with everything she says

my father is snide and rude

and my mother is intolerant.

Ee & I used to drink rootbeer whenever we were down.
"Ee, I failed my precal test"
"Aww honey. Rootbeer run?"
"Absolutely"
It's interesting, I think.
It was our beer. Our pot. Our de-stress.
I try not to drink it without her now

How does my heart feel,

in your hands?

I shouldn't have gotten so close.
Shouldn't have let you in.

I didn't want to care so much. I should have disconnected while I had the chance.

But, now this matters.
I wish this didn't matter.

Free falling

wishing I could fly
stars brushing my arms,

moon falling behind me,

accompanying my descent

Listen to music your best friend

loves, and you don't know.
It'll be alright.

Two words; Naive

Somedays it's easier to be hurt by you

and be angry at you,

than it is to listen and to comfort.
Than it is to be there and know,
I can't do anything.
(I'm sorry.)

I've never been drunk.
Because I've never drank.
Never smoked, anything.
Never been high off pills.
I don't go to partys,

I'm a virgin.
I don't go to church.
I don't eat breakfast.
I used to have an eating disorder.
I used to be so depressed, and in a scary place.
I used to want to do all those things;
Drink, smoke, get high, party, have sex, find god (or give him the middle finger), and eat more.
I don't know why I just... didn't.
(except for eating more. I'm healthier now)
& I'm sure if I thought about it, I'd think of so many more things that I could add to that list of thing's I've never done.
I feel young and inexperianced today.
I feel like I know nothing about the world,

and, that I'm naive.
Didn't you once warn me about that?
"Don't be naive, ______-"
Well,

I can look at this list and say,

these aren't things I want to be experianced with,

and that's true,

but somehow I can't help feeling like I haven't

really lived yet.

It's a cold one again kiddos. Minus 37

Bundle up! Stay warm!
And if you go skating,

hold someone's hand for warmth.

Book to read:
The Edible Women
By Margaret Atwood

Oh, Money can't buy you love-

But it can buy you a good time.

Who remembers that?
Ah, Brandon a year ago. What adventures it had in store for us all.
Moving on,
I spent far too much money over the past week or so. Between my "radical need" and my realization that I have 2 years university socked away in a savings bond, I allowed myself to overspend.
However, here a mixture of what I did (: Because I like things. I'm materialistic. It's true. I won't deny it.

First off, Food.
Oh my goodness. I have this things
with expensive, delicious food.
I went to Cora's with a friend on Friday
for breakfast.
Does anyone else but me think over $15 for breakfast

is a little bit completly ridiculous?
Oh, but it was good. I have no regrets.

Second, and my guilty pleasure.
Niva products.

I absolutly love all things Niva.
The smell so clean, and they do wonders for your skin...
I have over 10 different products by them

A month, I probably spend $20+

Third. Shoes.
The other day I bought a pair of

perfectly awful, but awfully cool

Red Fringe Boots.
$40. Wonderful.
Earlier I bought (my first!)

pair of black heels. $30

Four. Not an everyday expense
But I finally got a new sweater.
Finally, because I only had one that fit and worked.
Purple, on sale, $20

Five. Makeup.
Although I don't wear a crap load of makeup,
I love fun colours. I really really do.
I love eyeshadow, though you'll never see me wear it at school.
I always wear a TINY bit of mascara,

and if I'm tired, a little black eyeliner on the bottom lid,

for an exotic look (:
As well,

my new favourite thing in the world,

is a caffine eye roller.
It gets rid of puffs under the eyes so quickly,

after a long night of crying/partying/studying/WHATEVER

this thing is a lifeline. I swear.

Six. Something I actually get CHEAP.
Headbands.
I have one lululemon head band. Cost me ten bucks.
I learned my lesson.
I have 6 headbands (no-name)
Cost me $1.21
Easy. & I love the colours.


This mightbe my only ever fashion blog. Enjoy it kids

Any good buys lately kids?