I'm still alive (A poetry sort of day)

& It'll be fine,
lover of mine,
It'll be just fine.
I'll just hold you
rub your back,
pretty as you please,
until you're alright.
Then I'll take my leave.

I had a dream I was flying
& I could clearly see
everything I've wanted

so close at hand
oh, it's alright
flying.

i can't think of things

to write down

my fingertips are moving faster

than this mind of mine.
I'd never had someone hold my hand like-

Well I bet you say that to all the girls

I can sing that song so well
I can hold your hand right back

But I won't.
Because you aren't safe.
Because you aren't safe from me
(Because we matter to each other)

Help me kill the

fear

of the emptiness I hide
Stay by my side
Help me fill up

these spaces.
If I should fall,
then make sure
I learn how to hit
ground well.
Pride's all I have,
& now that he left it
bruised,
It's more precious than ever.
Touch me,

but lightly.
& don't let your hands

stray a breath.
I can't take more of that kind of pain.

Excitement bubble up inside me,
It's like I drank a bottle of champagne,
as your kiss make me close my eyes
to the harsh sights and sounds the world is offering tonight.
As your hand touches mine

all the world slants and shifts

and all the words on the tip of my tripping tongue
stall
strangle

shiver
& fade into
U S E L E S S N E S S

nothing in the world compares
to the feelings of confusion
and surprised joy

that you give me.
Every time I see those lips,

for the rest of my life,
I'll taste you-
Coffee, and minty gum,

and your own special taste, like spicy chocolate.
Tonight I'll borrow your arms & chest
as a pillow and blanket.
& I'll listen to that heartbeat of yours,

that tell me,

I'm still alive

Water; Winter; Future

Last night
after i accidently hung up on you,
and went on a heroic journey to get a glass of water,
you said youd call me back after you made food.
Lo and behold, two minutes later,
"Text me. I'm going to make grilled cheese and I want your company in some form =P"
Well.
Looky there.



Has it been a good winter for everyone?
I think I've enjoyed it.
I can sense it coming to an end.
Last night it snowed. I went for a walk. I intended to take pictures, so I brought my camera. My hands were too cold though, so I never ended up doing so.
Trying to cross the tracks, and the wide area of just snowy field that seperates it from the road, I fell down.
Opps.
It was cold. Very cold. I just lay there on my back. "Snow is quite comfortable, really." I said to myself.
A car drove by. I waved at it, still on my back.
I think a few seconds.
Then make a snow angel.
It was lovely.
When was the last time you made a snow angel?

Although, once I was done, I realized I lost my phone.
Back into the snow bank I go, digging until i find it.


I don't know what I want to do in life. (Emma your posts are mirroring mine! Or vis versa)
WHY do they make us decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives at the age of 16?! Why?
I'm trying to pick my courses out for grade 12, all the time keeping in mind what will get me into university.
There isn't even enough room in my timetable for everything I want/need.
I wanted : All four englishs, world issues, western civ, phych, philosiphy, choir, drama, bio, gym, and journalism/newspaper.
What am I probably ending up with? Two englishs, philos, choir, drama, bio, gym.
I'm YOUNG! How can I possibly know what I want to do in life?! I want everything! That's the curse of youth, right?
I want it all.
I'm scared. How can they expect me to know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life?! It's not fair! I want to cook, and sing, and act, and write, and teach, and study politics, history, pychology, philosiphy! I want to TRAVEL! I want to learn to speak Italian better! I want to learn to speak arabic beyond the two words I know!
How can we know what we want, before we are even legal adults, huh? How is THAT fair?
I'm not allowed to vote, but I MUST know EXACTLY what I want?
Really, I want to take a year off. Just one year.
One year to travel and get a taste of life. One little year to TRY to get to know myself, how I am, what I want.

Goodnight trouble, goodnight

"But don't you dare profess to love me
when you're lying with another,
that's not love, that's just wishing.
Wish, and Love, are not the same things."

There once was a girl,

a little silly girl,

there once was a girl.

She wanted to run,

wanted so to run away,

she wanted to run.

She sang songs of freedom,

sang mad, large songs of freedom,

she sang songs of freedom

Trapped inside his fist,

so inclosed and trapped in his fist,

she was trapped inside his fist.

Life without love,

love or romance,

life without love.

No one's died from lack of love

lack of water, not lack of love.
No one's died from lack of love.

Love was the prayers she made,

romance and love, her water and her prayers,

Love was the praryers she made.

Oscars? Not fun. I'm not even sure why I watched it.

I'm pleased with the best male actor in a leading role pick; Sean Penn.
End of story.

Every night lately, I feel just so restless.
But, I've had only one nightmare in the past week.
I wondered allowed to a friend what had changed.
I didn't like the responce very much.

Listening to music

to drive away the demons,

late at night,

I thought of you.
Twirling the image of you

around my little finger,

like a curl of hair,
I wondered what to do.
Looking around from my trance,
I see a picture on my phone,

that wasn't there before.
You calling me at this late hour,

because you thought of me too.
What to do,

but stare at the phone stupidly,

til you give up?
What to do?
But call you back and whisper hello.
What else to do,

but listen to eachothers breathing

and occasional sobs,

til sleep comes,

or the sun rises,

and the demons are gone

Dress-y dress-y dress dress

When I said goodbye I meant it dear,
what is it with the people in my life who can't let it go?
I can look you in the eye today,
knowing we're in two different spots.
I can't look at your chin even,
when you tell me my beauty shines,
all the while knowing how that makes me feel.
When you tell me what bad shape you're in,
how am I supposed to feel?


Tears on a borrowed bed,
between walls that are painted
somebody else's red.
When you hear me cry out,
you hold my mouth and say
"It's alright love, you're in good hands"
Sinister, without a single sound.
Hide my face, so you dont see the drops
fall down.
You see me running, you grab my arm and bruise
"It's alright love, you're in good hands"


Dear Friend,
You know I'll always be there.
You know that I am sarcastic and rude and harsh and unsentimental and unromantic and brutally honest.
And you know that I'll put that all aside for you.
Because I know you need me tonight.
Tonight I'll be human for you.
You make me feel more human than I ever have.


I found it.
I found my dress.

Sorry to disappoint everyone who voted

for dress number one, but i looked at the only size it came in,

and it was much too small at the waist!

I was very disappointed myself too. T

he dress has to be taken in a bit,

so it will fit a little better than shown in the pictures.

I bought it at CK LY Bridals, and for those wondering;

No, it wasnt that expensive.
Yes, the sales people were very helpful

and sweet! They asked what i like, talked to me,

tried to get to know my personality,

and then ran around bringing me dresses

in colours they thought looked good in me,

and in cuts they liked, etc.
Took pictures,

helped me accersorize, whatever.
And it only took me two hours!
For all the girls out there who know, yay!
For those men and other girls, two hours is SHORT trying to find a grad dress!

Kate's in town tonight.
Can't wait to see her.
:)

It's Janine's-Grad-Dress Idol!

Thank you Emma, you reminded me.

I've been looking at grad dresses!
So far just online. I've found a few that I quite like. I'm going shopping with my mother this weekend for one, but if I don't find what I'm looking for, I might choose one of these:

This one found at an online vintage cataloug. I'm liking this one, because since it's not MY grad I'm going to, I better make sure I stay toned down slightly. But, It's still gorgeous and unique. I really like it.

This one, also online. I like the green and the simplicity. Well, relativily simple. It is rather shiny isn't it?

Once again, online. Not simple, but something about it makes me feel very girly and happy and silly. not sure if it's very ME, but I still like it. Rather fluffy for me though

Any favourites boys and girls?
It's Janine's-Grad-Dress Idol!
Cast your votes! :)

No Nightmares last night

(it might be because of you)

I'm pretty okay with life

You ever think about what would have happened?

For example,
the boy who served me at Sal's,
who gave me a nice, shy smile, and an extra plate of fries.
What would have happened had I smiled back?
Had I written my number on a napkin?

What would have happened had I not said hello to Jared
that one day outside?

What would have happened, had I not joined MoBy Dick?

What would have happened if I didnt go to IMC?

What would have happened had I never spoken to Nelson? That would have changed my life drastically.

What if I had been good at math and sciences?

What if I had still wanted to be a lawyer

If I stayed in dance, gymnastics, chess club, skating, swimming, fencing, or judo?


But,
I'm happy where I am.
I'm happy right here.

Do it!

“
As you’re reading this, your life’s getting shorter.
It’s ticking away.
I’m not saying this to frighten you.
Or even scare you.
Though it may.

I’m saying this to awaken you.
To inspire you.
To rise you out of your deep slumber.
To really know you won’t live forever.
To share your unique gifts.

To ignite your great inner fire.
To ignite your great inner strength.
To ignite your great inner light.
To shine.
Brightly shine.
To awaken your great inner beauty.

To motivate.
Yourself and others.
To love.
Yourself and others.

To paint.
To write.
To teach.
To innovate.
To sing.
To dance.
To care.
To feel.
To listen.
To learn.
To laugh.

The clock’s ticking.
The world needs you.
Make your move.

”


Life is just wonderful today.
Life is beating its drum at my door;
"Wake up 'Nin!
Rise and shine!
Wash your face and fix your hair,
we've an adventure in store for you today!
Guess what it is?!
You have to go out and FIND it!"
And so, I will.

Goodmorning/afternoon everyone.
I'm going to shower,
see most of you in Carmina,
and then go on an adventure.

Off I go, to let the sunshine swallow me.
Anyone wish to join me?
Anyone wish for their own?
DO IT!

I awoke, singing!:
Leap of faith, leap of faith. Leap of faith, leap of faith.
Ohh, only thing to do is jump over the moon

The colour falls like snow; the feeling of letting go

The Jazz Singer : The first ever talkie

Today is one of those days where you just can't help but feel great

One of those days where you want to

sing and scream

and laugh and dance

and go for walks and runs in the snow.
Where you want to call a friend

you haven't spoken too in a long time,

and get to know them again.

Today is a day where you make cupcakes

with bright blue and yellow and green icing.
Today is cut your nails short so you can grow them long again day.
Today is THE DAY.
Today is the day where we stand up

get up

get out

be colour, and fly.
Today is the day where we write a note,

fold it up,

turn it into a paper airplane,

and throw it
Today is the day you tie that note

to a ballon

and let it fly away from you.

Today is the day
where you scream everything you feel

and think,

to yourself.
And when you tell it to who you need to.
And dress bright,

wear bright makeup up,

and a bright smile,

for the bright night ahead of you, day.

Nothing wrong in the world tonight,

nothing so the matter that it can't

be fixed.
Not a thing so wrong that it can hold me down.
Not a thing I would let weigh on me.

Streetlights are spinning, the night is just beginning, and then it comes on strong. When I'm up, I can't get down.
The colour falls like snow; the feeling of letting go

Today is also a day

for bold print

nonesense

and lots of water.

Nightmares

Lately,

I've been having nightmare after nightmare

after nightmare

after nightmare.
You know that feeling,

where you have a nightmare,

and you wake up, and you don't remember it,

but you can't move?

I've been having strange nightmares lately too.
Ranging... everywhere.

Silly little horror movie styles

ones about dying

ones about others dying

about being pregant

about smoking lots of ciggs

about killing someone,

hurting someone,

missing something,

showing up naked for school,

growing old,

working living dying in a cubicle

messing up

being with someone I don't want to,

getting married,

drowning

burning my notebooks and then burning myself,

ETC

too many lately.

I must be unsound. Wow.

I read somewhere that if you're too hot at night, you're more likely to get nightmares,

but i just sleep under sheets lately and that doesn't help. huh.


Anything you guys do after a nightmare, or to stop them?