Flypaper

And I can push you off as much as I like
but in the end,
a brave face is what does me in.
it's facing my demons head on
that gets me fucked.
that gets me broken and empty.
it's saying
'let's get this over with'
that will lead me into the future
that i don't want.
it's snowing
but i feel it like a heavy rain
i feel it like a thick fog.
i get up in the middle of the night
bring a blanket,
turn on the bathroom lights,
and fan,
and lock the door.
i sleep in the tub,
i sleep with my eyes wide open.
i sleep inside a different skin.
i live inside the tub
while my body goes through each day with you.
while my body lets you hold me...
i stay safe in the tub
counting my fingers
my toes
all my scars;
two on the face, one on my foot...
countless more on arms and legs and a couple on my hand.
the birthmark no one's seen but me
and my turned in pinky toe.
my backwards elbows.
i take stock.
am i all here?




if my sister didn't claim it,
i would probably want to draw more