I've upgraded

I used to be afraid of becoming like my mother.

Today I looked at her and realised,
maybe she's not so bad.

Why?

I got to know her own mother.

And now I understand
that my mother is like me

She's worked so hard to be a good person
and worked against what her mother was showing and saying and teaching.
And I just need to continue it.
My mother understands more than I realized.

At least my mother is tolerant
or more so than could be expected.

My grandmother is afraid of blacks
and thinks the gays brought drugs into the city
and that we cant trust people who dress differently
and that our family "isnt the kind to do this" and "isnt the kind to do that"
That I can't dance because that makes me a whore
Cant write because that makes me too much of a dreamer
Cant go barefoot; that makes me a hippie
Cant sing; that makes me silly
Can't go out without doing my hair

How did my mother deal with it?

And my grandmother is so...
helpless.
She CAN do things
but she wont.
I don't know how to explain it.

God knows I love her
She's family.

I think I understand my mother more
and through that, I understand me.
And I have hope.
In a weird, twisted way

Even though i dont want to be my mother
look at who she is
and who she could have been.

So
who can I be?

Anyone I want.

No matter what I face or who is telling me no.