Thank you Intuition

My brain is spinning
from one
perfect[ly wrong]
kiss.

Shame on me.
I know this isn't love.
Shame on me.
I know the guilt is real.

But I don't want this to go away.
But I know this isn't the same to both of us.
But I know I'm leaving so much behind

No where to go but forward.

I'm following the signs.
[thank you so much intuition]

And the signs say for me to live my life.
The signs say I should explore my options.
I should learn to trust.

And that secrets are secrets for a reason.
That if it doesn't repeat, it's not meant to be.

So although he makes me

feel
angry and elated and breathless and

beyond anything.

I'm good again.

I feel like a bird who's re-learning how to sing

my life and my heart are on fire
and im not sure what the next step is.

A response I wrote long ago to Bev's blog re: high school relationships.


Bev, I'm afraid I must disagree. High school relationships are not pointless.
I think high school is such a difficult and often sad time, that we need to get as much joy from it as possible.
I think that the more we learn and practise love, the better it will be and the more ready for it we will be when we find that right person.
And besides, how will we know the right one if we don't know the wrong ones?
I'm in a highschool relationship right now. I'm happy with him in a way that I was not before. Which is neither to say that I was not happy before, or that should things end, I'll never be happy again. The trick is keeping your grasp of reality with you at all times. On that note, I would not even say that I'm in love with him, or have even ever truly been in love with anyone.
Each relationship is differnt. Each person is different, and we ourselves are everchanging individuals. I know more about myself as time goes on and as each lover and friend comes and goes; who I am, what I want, what I need out of life, and who fits with me and where I'm going.
Relationships are about having this partnership. This (mostly) united front against the evils of the world. It's about having support. It's about giving it. Someone you can call and tell them all the things that went wrong that day, and not worry about them judging you. Some you run to, to tell them you got the part and failed the test.
Some who'll understand, or at least try. Someone who'll pick up and love the little things about you that you never even noticed yourself
[ I hold my cigarettes like a pencil, and bit my lip when I'm nervous ]
It's about having that feeling that something just works.
What;s wrong with finding happiness with someone at a young age? Everything must end, yes, but why should the future prevent a kind of joy that is so priceless now?
I can't let my fear or my assumptions of the future control my life now.
"there's no time like the present"
no, there's no time BUT the present.
The only time that exists is now.
And now?
I'm very, happy.

I hate homework

have a great day kids

These are a few of my favourite things

www.chordbook.com
wicked awesome site for people who are learing guitar and who, like me, suck at reading tabs. Lots of neato options on here. Check it out!

Monopoly at McDonalds
cause after all, we all of us like money right?


Vocal Jazz
and the "z" in this font! oolala!


The Millennium Libray
downtown! it's huge and quiet and full of books! lots of natural lighting, and i find i get loads of work done there


My new alarm clock
it plays my iPod for me in the morning! HELLA DANK!


The new building at my school!
it's so new and large! at long last, I do not have to walk through the freezing minus a million cold to get from class to class! and free Wireless? can i get a HEYYA?


Gold
Gold or yellow seem to be the new "it" colours for me lately. Paired with orange/red, i think its the perfect colour scheme for fall in this dark cold city.


Zombie Movies
I love zombies movies as much as the next man-GIRL! or more. Who doesn't enjoy some good zombie rampage and carnage? Haven't seen Zombieland yet. WANT TO!