so let's find a bar
so dark
we forget who we are
and all the scars from the nevers and maybes
die
lets go out tonight.

 its better than anything
to just be helpless
to just give it all up
and collapse completely
as you collapse on top of me.
ive never felt so raw
and ive never felt so real.
i feel
how funny,
i feel naked.
and thats ok.
its fine to be vulnerable sometimes.
im youre dirty little secret
and you are very little more to me
than a hot shower.
and we're ok with that.

street lights
stormy nights
your body next to mine
all i need is to feel your heat
all i need is one more beat
and you've got me falling over
falling over the edge.

there must be something wrong here.
i only ever want what i can't have.
why is that?
if i had you would i want you?
sometimes i can't be sure.

because how can i like so many people at once?
but of course
as always
it leads me back to you.
who ive never had.
and maybe never will
so possibly never will get over?
is that who i operate?
i don't know.

but i do know i miss a hand
reassuring
on the small of my back.
or protective arms around my shoulders
or the subtle brushing of hair out of my eyes.
little physical things like that.
i can't stand it when i get them from people
who don't mean anything to me in that way.
because my heart automatically leaps.
and my brain automatically wishes it was your hand
and your personal bubble touching mine

you don't love me like you used to do

hi remember me?
im the girl who's spent
three halves of forever
waiting waiting waiting for you.
and today was supposed to be that day.
and what did you do?
you forgot about me.
or worse,
you ignored me.
so i'm here
and it's raining inside and out.
because i wasn't important enough
have i ever been important enough?
has it ever matter at all to you?
enough to call?
to text?
to even drop a line so you're bailing on me and not just standing me up like some cunt faced ass licking cactus humping douche bag?
no.
the answer, evidently is
no

CHEAP THRILLS.: WHERETHEGEESEFLY

CHEAP THRILLS.: WHERETHEGEESEFLY:

my photoshoot is up! holy, moly. raezavel did a brilliant job! follow her; either through blogspot or simply by keeping an eye on her. this girl is going places. (ignore her badly disciplined model. i laughed during most of the pictures. zoinks.)

maybe i'm just a fool
but you make me fall in love with rainy days.
and when you look into my eyes, i can't breathe
because its like when the grinch stole christmas
and my heart is growing.
and thats something i need to work on.
now the days are flying by
and i just fill them best i can
waiting for the day you are home again
and maybe decide
you'd like to make home a place with me.
we can leave the butter out
i don't mind.
ill make the bed and
kiss you on the cheek.
because you make me love even the rainiest of days
when you're sitting here
looking into my eyes,
and telling me why you love central park
and how you missed making me shoot coffee out my nose.

you aren't subtle when you run

moonlight bike ride through suburbia
i love the smell of cooling concert
and new lilacs.

you are not adventurous.
you have a poker face
as home base.

but you smile nice at me.

i don't like suburbia.
i dont think i ever will.
too croweded
too narrow.
but i love bike rides.
i love summer nights.
i love flowers and fresh cut grass and i love knowing maybe one day you'll be riding next to me, instead of all the men and boys i have to hold your place and replace you.

goodnight blogging world.

you're the swimming pool/
on an august day/
and you're the perfect thing/
to say/
and you play it coy/
but it's kinda cute/
and when you smile at me/
you know exactly/
what you do/
baby don't pretend/
that you don't know it's true/
cause i can see it when i look at you.


3 days until i'm 18
6 days until i have the most important date of my life
13 days until my provincial english exam

holy, smokes.

ever notice how life never moves slowly?
it may seem like it does for about a day. or two if youre lucky.
but eventually everything just shows up.
being 18...
wow...
well i suppose i have to save this for three days from now.

you are the right kind of person to fall in love with

http://xremembermyheartx.xanga.com/

 www.fuckyeahskinnybitch.tumblr.com

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/rlnaen/3746363719/

but I'm just not brave enough to love you the way I want to

well that didn't last too long.

what can i say? tumblr is lovely but i love my blog. this one feels more like my writing one, you know?


hey, i am still just a
second place prize?
the runner up gets me?
it doesn't work like that.
i am not a second choice.
babe you can't pick and choose,
that feels like all i get anymore.
i get to be your
consilation prize.
you lost her.
you got me.



i've always really identified with Clemintine
from the movie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
she's wild.
she's horrible.
she's mean and cruel.
she was in love and he hurt her.
she loved him so much.
she was afraid, but she tried to never show it
she would do anything to get rid of him
and anything to get him back


my wonderful talented friend raezavel did a photoshoot with me yesterday! stalk her blog- they should be up soon.

TO EVERYONE WHO TAKES PHOTOS OFF OF BLOGS

make sure you always credit the original artist, yeah? or at least the blog/site you took them from. it may seem like such a little thing, but seeing as i'm sure most of the people who follow me are young artists in some form, of course you understand that plagiarism in any form is just not cool. i found one of my photos on weheartit the other day, and it was taken from someone else's who didnt credit me. how annoying!!
i love you all followers, but credit credit credit! im not nearly successful enough, nor, i suppose, are many of you, to be comfortable with your work not being credited when it's been reblogged.
yes, i know i'm guilty of it too occasionally, but i solemnly swear to change my wicked ways from this day forward. nothing like a little taste of my own medicine to cure me, huh? :)


it's a beautiful sunday morning, and i am currently working on getting my summer to do list in order! summer is coming up fast and as it's my last summer before university and irrevocable adulthood and responsibility, i do indeed plan on making it count!

i suppose i am cheating a little bit, as i'm going to be 18 this coming friday (may 21st i'm a legal Canadian adult!)
tell me, is being an adult supposed to change things? because the closer i get, the less i am convinced by this.
so i'll be able to get into clubs. i don't really dance all that well anyways.
so i'll be able to drink.                          legally.
what else is there?
i can buy cigarettes (addiction will welcome me back with open arms i bet)
but other than that,
what's the big hullabaloo about, really?
i wish i had done more things as a kid.
but i still have this one last summer. so...!

next time i will be post my summer to do list, and i hope you all will do the same!

have a beautiful day