i know the things i said to you- the lies i said to try and hurt. i promise i never meant a single word.

•  

what songs are there to sing
to cover up the sound
of empty clothing laying still?
the smell you left behind?
or the way i can still see your smile
like a Cheshire cat
refusing to fade.

i had my feet on the ground for you
you had me saying things
and thinking things
considering
maybe it was okay to open my heart again.
it has been shattered so many times before
but maybe this time
maybe you’ll be the guy who’s different.
who’ll see past all my shit and my cold realism
past my nonsense and deflections and
scared scrambled attacks.
it wasn’t fair, i know.
but lord knows i tried
i tried so hard to put my weapons down.
you were worth it.
this was worth it.
i needed you, it was terrifying
so terrifying, i clutched fast to a few weapons
just in case, just to feel safe.
i wish you had known me better i guess.
i wish you had looked harder to see beyond me into myself.
does that make sense?
i’m almost glad i didnt open more
if it hurts and aches and tears this badly
how would it have felt if i threw open my heart completely?
then again,
if i had,
maybe we wouldnt even be here.

i want to curl up in a ball, cry, fall asleep, and wake up the next day with no more tears to shed, and a heart made out of steel

it's like i was nothing to you

i need to look stunning tomorrow
so the first thing you think when you look at me
is not about how we are fighting
but how lucky you are i'm fighting with you
and no one else.
and how you just want to kiss me
like every thing is going to be ok.

My back is firmly planted against the concrete wall
and I try to drop the left over ballet arch to my
lower back.
Will it always be there?
This gap you can slip your hand
between my back and the wall into.
Almost sensual when you think of it
More than almost when you brush your hand around it
claiming in that silent way of yours.
Not for others sake,
but for mine.
I am your secret
And I am yours.
You won’t let me forget it
And how you made me feel
and how you’re the only one to ever
Make me feel like that
(yet)
I imagine all the bone and fluid and vessels
And leftover whatever
flowing out my body from that lower back spot
and I can feel it relax against the cool wall slightly.
It will be back later tonight
but that is of course later.

cant write
cant think

too angry, too sad.

i am perfectly willing to admit that i spent some quality time with mr.s ben and jerry

we don't make sense.
but i love how you laugh and
how you make me laugh.
we're wrong for each other
but i want you.

lets play a game
where i paint over the scars on my body
blue and green and orange and gold.
what’s left anymore?
i wanted a life beside you
and you wanted my skin
airbrushed and retouched daily.
what can i give to you?

lets play pretend

that if i leave
it will be more than one big giant
punch to your ever inflating
ever suffocating ego
that i am a slave to.
that when i go you’ll see how i
wanted so much and dreamed so much more
than what we had

i am not ready to face it
because i don’t want this to be wrong.
i can’t face another failure.
i can’t face that kind of knowledge about myself.

don’t think it’s you, oh, though it is.
every night i want to push you away and pull you close at the same time.
don’t make my mistakes
and don’t run away.
but sometimes i just want you to go.
don’t let me push and pull.

perhaps i can tie myself down
handcuffs,
so my arms can’t move themselves or you around.

can i stand that vulnerability
(outside the bedroom?)

where is the line anymore?

i'm a realist
i'm a romantic
i'm an indecisive piece of shit

do you even understand
how it felt to be confirmed in you
my worst fears for myself?
i don't want to be empty.
i can no longer believe i am.
i am not some shell to be filled by you.
i am not some empty girl you can toy with.
you say i'm nothing
you say i'm everything.
you say you see me
how can i believe that
when you only see in me what i tell you of myself?

i can't think anymore tonight.

i can't touch you for fear of what you'll feel.

(oh, but isn't it always like that for me)

i got out of your car tonight and walked inside without looking back.
i don’t want that to have been the last time.
i sat down and held back the tears, then got up and made a drink.
you aren’t what i wanted. you aren’t what you wanted.
and it’s the same way with me.
we both wanted so badly to have something and be something that we just
are not.
i can’t handle this day.

i can even only try to write about it in chunks

the affair

With hushed voices on the phone
with hushed fingers on the keyboard
they steal time
to remember how the other tastes
and breathes.
Pretending this is less
than it is.
She sighs his names as quiet as she can
as another moves,
claiming as quietly he can.


I wish this was fair, he said.
I wish you were here she snapped back.
I miss you more than-
And this is so-
And why-
the phrases they avoid
so not to spoil what
little they could steal.
Her bare legs crossed up on the wall she tells him
the pieces of her day that don’t matter.
He knows that what they’re doing right now
is the part that does.



Her partner tells her
that he loves her hair
and she enjoys  the unoriginality and safety of the words.
Her lover creates for her
a new name- a new identity
and calls her nymph and siren- calls her greek and calls her latin.
Calls all of her his own
and everything around her pales to grey
because how did his eyes get so blue?
Love is too strange and too too too
too multi-layered and too
too too
different in a different person.
“I wish this was fair.”


He loves her every hour of every day.
He wants to shower her with roses
wants to worship her
and exalt her
and protect her and give her
everything she could ever want
for as long as they both shall live.
But instead he calls her to let her know
that he has quit smoking this week
and that he bought himself new shoes.


The room they hide in
was blue and small
but it could have been
as big as anything
they would have filled it.
After so much waiting
they don’t rush.
Hands drag slowly
touches lingers
and please don’t let this
Don’t let this end too soon
because I need you here with me.
Can’t do it all on the phone.
And when they’re moving together
she swears it’s never been like this.
He swears he’s never felt more real.
And they bite back the dreaded “L” word
because what can it do for them
besides make this too-

Sometimes while he’s off in his own city
he thinks he sees her-
buying coffee, feeding birds, writing or reading a book.
Messy hair and large wild eyes.
He wants to reach out
but she’s at home
with another
making his dinner and kissing him on the cheek.
She’ll call in two hours and thirty four minutes.
He goes back to his apartment
where someone has made his dinner
and is ready to kiss him on his cheek.
He sends her away, and waits.
-janine may

tearing at my skin
in my mind
to discover how you took what you took from me.
how deep is this buried?
how deep will the
excavation of my
lack of choice
lack of fight
lack of
what was supposed to be mine to give.
how far must i dig.
i feel you digging in still
i feel every spot you ever stole and claimed.
it’s not okay

i dont like when nathan sees me like this

i love the look of your
skin on mine-
but when the morning comes
and the curtain moves
i turn from pink pale
petal soft
to grey
as you stay golden

i talk a big game.
i joke and poke fun at the boy

but he really is the best thing i have going for me right now.
& i don't like that i have that much....
that he holds so much power over me.

life will go on if he
(when he)
leaves me.

but i like that i actually feel better after we fight,
and not worse,
because we fight clean,
& finally actually fix the problem.
it's never been like that before.

& i like how you want to make this work.
& i like how your eyebrows tell stories.

i want to keep you.
i want to stay with you.
i can give it up

My weapons:
my sarcasm, my teeth,
my sexuality, my coldness
my reality, my need for definition.
my nails, my hair.

i can lay them down and away for you.

do you see them for what they are?
do you understand?
naive, i adore you.
you don't see me the way i am sometimes.

or, then again, you do.
unable to see these weapons and parts
you see beyond them.

see me dancing in pink
laughing wide
see me small and sad
see me trying to keep my head up-
that's really all any of us are doing.

because im smaller with you.
im not the
ever expanding mess
that i have been.
im small and weak and young and normal.
it's fine tonight.
you hold tiny me close
and stroke my back.
i could scream right now and you'd be alright
you wouldn't run.
you wouldn't even hear the scream
just the thought behind it.
i look up and see you
see you wanting nothing more
than to keep me safe.

i thought you like a father once.

further speculation has lead me
and my scientific mind
(my hands dividing everything into base pieces,
claiming and sorting and arranging)
to believe that you take the stance more of
a
(heaven forbid)
protective
(loving
husband)

i’ve never had a man
who has not told me
how stuck he is in my hair.
like its a web
like they’re ropes.

they grab it and smooth it and touch it
it’s wild, my hair.
they try to control it.

but you, you read it-
like you read the rest of me-
you see me brush it back and know i love the book i’m reading.
you watch me tie it back, and know i’m feeling frustrated.

and you tell me that you love how i smile with my eyes.

i don’t like when you’re away.
i have no one here to know me
(because i hardly know myself)

he holds my face
like
glass
glass
glass glass glass.
and sings me silly stupid lullaby's.
my makeup is and hair is and mind is
everywhere
and he kisses me.
holds the door open.
he pays as much as i let him.
he holds my hand
spins me in circles
until im laughing
completely giddy.
im silly.
its fine.
he smiles and i smile because he smiles at my smile and arent we a pair of nonesenesical?
and its like i couldnt ask for anything better

as for you?

you never deserved me

i used to be so
anti kids
anti marriage.
i never
ever
wanted any of that.

its funny how you can change your mind.

not saying i want it now.



but one day.
one day.

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why do you hate me so?




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wish i could write something



anything.

i could write you an entire book on this feeling, and it still wouldn't be enough, or even accurate.

i want to keep you
i am so lucky
i could love you
i needed you in my life

this weather is getting me down.
but i like that you know my secret fears.
and how you hold me tight through the thunder
because you know i cant sleep tonight.
this weather is getting me down but you're lifting me up
in the bathroom because
im empty as anything
im a little bird.
the rain is drenching everything
but its your back up band
as you sing me silly lullaby's
this weather is getting me down
but you hold me up.

as you walked out the door tonight
so late
so late tonight
i-
in my messy ponytail, gray sweats and pj shirt
skin tired and pale, a
little red defiant pimple showing up above my left
eye-
was throttled by this sudden
fear
 that you are about to walk away.
about to leave and never come back
because why would you.
and i almost cried right there on the landing.
you turned and kissed my cheekbones.
a goodnight was exchanged.

please come back tomorrow.
please don't be walking out on me
i don't think my heart could stand any more of that.
i think i would asphyxiate on
my heart as it climbed up my throat
in a suicidal attempt to say
everything its ever needed to
because i forced it shut and silent so long
to this day.

what if i open it again,
meaning for just a crack
just a few things let out
just a small thing let in-
and it bursts
all over the floor and pillows and me and you
what do i do then?

its been a long night.

cottage thoughts

its bitter
but i dont mind,
you're oh so sweet
i can rest
finally rest
[myheadtuckedunderyourarmicantbreathe]
with honesty.
tears marring my eyes
just slightly
i dont want to let go.
now that i've finally broke free.
i dont want to lose this.
i feel
you feel-
we
this               feels so
         oh so
rare.
like glass- like beach glass
washed and rounded and smoothed
but still fragile
don't drop me
                 you
                  us
                   this


floating
just floating
just existing
my thoughts
dont need a 
trail of bread crumbs
or a string or a path at all
knowledge without thought
thought
you can't trace
content.
its fine
everything is
is
is okay.
you're my inner view
ill make you fly.


such little things
my dad
masked
cutting grass as tall as my knees
three air mattresses staked to lie on.
washing my hair 
hand-me-down-shorts
sprawling out
mosquito coils
air dried clothing you can smell the difference.






ive never had
someone
a boyfriend
as great as you.
im not looking back
for once.
for once its all now and soon and eventually.
how you found me
and why you want(ed) to keep me
escapes me.
me and my messy hair cold nature sarcastic comments vapid mind useless words needy obsessive jealous careless lazy indecisive self.
so why are you holding my hand?
why do you kiss me on the mouth in a way that calls me special and priceless?






my dad is not a cuddly man.
at times he is downright
clausterphobic
but seeing him
hold my tiny mother
while she sleeps
like its both natural and magical
warms my heart
knowing he's so uncomfortable 
even as he tries to hide his grin from me.
they love the shit out of each other.
they make each others eyes sparkle
and getting close to fifty
he'll still reach for her hand
and she fills his days with words
and silly little things.

in my past lives

i would have been a gypsy
i would have been a pirate
i would have been in paris
a grand courtesan.
i would have been in england
groomed and graceful with a wild soul
i would have been a traveling minstrel,
i would have sold birds and ribbons and tin.
i would have been a teacher
i would have been a duchess
i would have been a hippie
i would have been a poor house wife with a house on the sea
i would have been

and the living is easy

weheartit

reaching up to touch my hair

(out of habit, out of nothing)

the tips of my digits graze something

-what is that?

retracing my steps i-

oh-

its the braid 

from two nights ago

that you wove in a quiet moment

for no real anything.

you never tied it.

had i not washed it out of-

once, twice? twice.

a smile plays on my lips

funny it should be

be there 

with no fuss and bother.

just like you.

the back of my head, the back of my brain,

youre here. 

  im writing again.

my heart is happy- isnt it funny?

i thought, for so long,

that i could not be happy 

could not love anyone else but you

but look at me.

im so different.

even different than i was with you.

no i dont love him.

but i could.

i could.

life with him is possibilities

is adventure

is romance from a novel i would read.

i like him. i want him.

i needed him in my life.

i need him still.

i want to keep him around.

so thank you

for letting me go.

for missing out.

and for letting me be free.

because im not tied to you
thank god

im not bound to you like i was

and little bird found someone she wants to sing with.

what matters

i dont care about your car-
its stalling and grinding gears, its strange noises and its inability to go on the highway.
i don't care that you drive at all.
i don't care that you're in shows
and can get me into fringe plays for free
i don't care about anything like that.

in the end it doesnt matter one way or another.

in the end i care about

how you hold me hand in public
how you protect me from scary people late late at night
how you look at me and touch my face like im made out of glass
how you want to make my parents like you
how you know what i'm thinking without me having to explain it to you
how you plan dates like outdoor magic shows and climbing onto rooftops to see fireworks.
how you care so much about me its scary

thats what matters.
me and you, that's what matters

we were walking in the sun
you touched my hand and i smiled.
want to go to the museum?
we were running through the rain
laughing and screaming
coffee warms me up
and you cool me down.
it's all alright today.
walking and running with you.
im happy.
you make me feel simple.
its all so simple
i wouldnt speed a single thing up
or slow a single thing down.
our pace is perfect
even if we aren't

im so fucking tired
of other people making my decisions
of people deciding things for me.
of all this
whining
needy
its never my fault
bullshit.
im dont care anymore
because i have to mother you every single day
and im so
freaking tired of you
and your diplomatic
underhanded
dont think of other people but look like a martyr
ways.
im not happy with you.
will i ever tell you?
nope.

i live on the edge
not in a good way.
in a
im always panicking,
always afraid
always worried.
something inside me is always nagging myself.
i hate it.
and i dont do anything to fix my problems.
i just wish them away
i try to ignore them.
thats wrong.
the end.
thats the wrong thing to do.
because they dont go away
they grow.

Part of my Summer To Do List

• make a fort
• make a book fort
• go on a mini road trip (4-6 hours one way limit)
• write a song
• go gokarting
• watch the sunrise
• have a classic picnic (dresses, sunhats, plaid blanket, wicker basket, the works)
• have a classic tea party
• go on a very long track walk with little star (full day)
• go skinny dipping!
• spend all day at the pool
• have a beach bonfire
• outdoor food fight -->cupcakes and mac&cheese
• laser tag
• rock climbing
• make a music video
• sleep on a trampoline
• horseback riding
• spend 24hrs in pjs
• daisy dukes day at the cottage! - cutoffs and bikini tops
• leave the country
• attempt at a fashion blog with little star

more to come, and ill keep you posted to what i accomplish now that summer has officially started

the hardest thing to do
is to look you in the eye

at least
at least
at least i said it.
at least i opened my mouth and my heart
and i let you know.
that i love you
from the bottom of my heart.
from the bottom of my person.
you don't love me.
i know that.
i wish i didnt.
i wish you did.
i wish we had been back in that room with your hand touching me and our faces connected and i didnt pull away and i didnt have to say it right then because in those moments we could have been magic but now
now?
at least you know.
at least i said it.
but i still feel
awful

you told me once dear/
that you really loved me/
you said no one else could come between/
now what did you mean?

looking forward to my new life. really. i am.
im letting go. im moving on. im accepting it.
and im happy.
time to wrap this mother up
and tie up my loose ends.
:)

<3

sometimes
if youre in the right spot
the city look like it's on fire.
and it shimmers and blazes.
it moves and pulses.
the city is burning, but i'm not.
i'm going to join it tonight
maybe ill even be the cause.
im not alive yet.
what'll it take?
ill take all my friends
we'll make a run
from mcdonalds to icecream stands
from pub to nightclub
from here to home and back again.
we'll stand on top of roofs and get as close to the edge as we can
just for one perfect photograph.
i have time. and i wont spend it at home
chocking
because you can't find your time for me.
im squinting at the city on fire.
its beautiful.

Kseniya Simonova - Sand Animation (Україна має талант / Ukraine's Got Ta...

so let's find a bar
so dark
we forget who we are
and all the scars from the nevers and maybes
die
lets go out tonight.

 its better than anything
to just be helpless
to just give it all up
and collapse completely
as you collapse on top of me.
ive never felt so raw
and ive never felt so real.
i feel
how funny,
i feel naked.
and thats ok.
its fine to be vulnerable sometimes.
im youre dirty little secret
and you are very little more to me
than a hot shower.
and we're ok with that.

street lights
stormy nights
your body next to mine
all i need is to feel your heat
all i need is one more beat
and you've got me falling over
falling over the edge.

there must be something wrong here.
i only ever want what i can't have.
why is that?
if i had you would i want you?
sometimes i can't be sure.

because how can i like so many people at once?
but of course
as always
it leads me back to you.
who ive never had.
and maybe never will
so possibly never will get over?
is that who i operate?
i don't know.

but i do know i miss a hand
reassuring
on the small of my back.
or protective arms around my shoulders
or the subtle brushing of hair out of my eyes.
little physical things like that.
i can't stand it when i get them from people
who don't mean anything to me in that way.
because my heart automatically leaps.
and my brain automatically wishes it was your hand
and your personal bubble touching mine

you don't love me like you used to do

hi remember me?
im the girl who's spent
three halves of forever
waiting waiting waiting for you.
and today was supposed to be that day.
and what did you do?
you forgot about me.
or worse,
you ignored me.
so i'm here
and it's raining inside and out.
because i wasn't important enough
have i ever been important enough?
has it ever matter at all to you?
enough to call?
to text?
to even drop a line so you're bailing on me and not just standing me up like some cunt faced ass licking cactus humping douche bag?
no.
the answer, evidently is
no

CHEAP THRILLS.: WHERETHEGEESEFLY

CHEAP THRILLS.: WHERETHEGEESEFLY:

my photoshoot is up! holy, moly. raezavel did a brilliant job! follow her; either through blogspot or simply by keeping an eye on her. this girl is going places. (ignore her badly disciplined model. i laughed during most of the pictures. zoinks.)

maybe i'm just a fool
but you make me fall in love with rainy days.
and when you look into my eyes, i can't breathe
because its like when the grinch stole christmas
and my heart is growing.
and thats something i need to work on.
now the days are flying by
and i just fill them best i can
waiting for the day you are home again
and maybe decide
you'd like to make home a place with me.
we can leave the butter out
i don't mind.
ill make the bed and
kiss you on the cheek.
because you make me love even the rainiest of days
when you're sitting here
looking into my eyes,
and telling me why you love central park
and how you missed making me shoot coffee out my nose.

you aren't subtle when you run

moonlight bike ride through suburbia
i love the smell of cooling concert
and new lilacs.

you are not adventurous.
you have a poker face
as home base.

but you smile nice at me.

i don't like suburbia.
i dont think i ever will.
too croweded
too narrow.
but i love bike rides.
i love summer nights.
i love flowers and fresh cut grass and i love knowing maybe one day you'll be riding next to me, instead of all the men and boys i have to hold your place and replace you.

goodnight blogging world.

you're the swimming pool/
on an august day/
and you're the perfect thing/
to say/
and you play it coy/
but it's kinda cute/
and when you smile at me/
you know exactly/
what you do/
baby don't pretend/
that you don't know it's true/
cause i can see it when i look at you.


3 days until i'm 18
6 days until i have the most important date of my life
13 days until my provincial english exam

holy, smokes.

ever notice how life never moves slowly?
it may seem like it does for about a day. or two if youre lucky.
but eventually everything just shows up.
being 18...
wow...
well i suppose i have to save this for three days from now.

you are the right kind of person to fall in love with

http://xremembermyheartx.xanga.com/

 www.fuckyeahskinnybitch.tumblr.com

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/rlnaen/3746363719/

but I'm just not brave enough to love you the way I want to

well that didn't last too long.

what can i say? tumblr is lovely but i love my blog. this one feels more like my writing one, you know?


hey, i am still just a
second place prize?
the runner up gets me?
it doesn't work like that.
i am not a second choice.
babe you can't pick and choose,
that feels like all i get anymore.
i get to be your
consilation prize.
you lost her.
you got me.



i've always really identified with Clemintine
from the movie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
she's wild.
she's horrible.
she's mean and cruel.
she was in love and he hurt her.
she loved him so much.
she was afraid, but she tried to never show it
she would do anything to get rid of him
and anything to get him back


my wonderful talented friend raezavel did a photoshoot with me yesterday! stalk her blog- they should be up soon.

TO EVERYONE WHO TAKES PHOTOS OFF OF BLOGS

make sure you always credit the original artist, yeah? or at least the blog/site you took them from. it may seem like such a little thing, but seeing as i'm sure most of the people who follow me are young artists in some form, of course you understand that plagiarism in any form is just not cool. i found one of my photos on weheartit the other day, and it was taken from someone else's who didnt credit me. how annoying!!
i love you all followers, but credit credit credit! im not nearly successful enough, nor, i suppose, are many of you, to be comfortable with your work not being credited when it's been reblogged.
yes, i know i'm guilty of it too occasionally, but i solemnly swear to change my wicked ways from this day forward. nothing like a little taste of my own medicine to cure me, huh? :)


it's a beautiful sunday morning, and i am currently working on getting my summer to do list in order! summer is coming up fast and as it's my last summer before university and irrevocable adulthood and responsibility, i do indeed plan on making it count!

i suppose i am cheating a little bit, as i'm going to be 18 this coming friday (may 21st i'm a legal Canadian adult!)
tell me, is being an adult supposed to change things? because the closer i get, the less i am convinced by this.
so i'll be able to get into clubs. i don't really dance all that well anyways.
so i'll be able to drink.                          legally.
what else is there?
i can buy cigarettes (addiction will welcome me back with open arms i bet)
but other than that,
what's the big hullabaloo about, really?
i wish i had done more things as a kid.
but i still have this one last summer. so...!

next time i will be post my summer to do list, and i hope you all will do the same!

have a beautiful day

i have converted!

you all know how much i love my blogspot, but lately it's been buggy, and i'd been feeling like its time for a change. how long have i been on this?
im impulsive, i cant sit still, and i found a new blogging love

sooo!

i switched to tumblr!

www.littlebirdsings.tumblr.com

i hope you all will continue to follow me there. :)

A word is not the same with one writer as with another.  One tears it from his guts.  The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.  ~Charles Peguy

so, why don't you love me?

i admitt it, 

i sometimes think about our lives if we were together.

and i like how it looks in my mind.

and i even put in the fights.

so sue me

i like to sit in tims with my best friend

and smile at people.

so sue me.

i get angry easily,

i yell.

my heart breaks into a million pieces

i cry.

i feel too much always. nothing is half way. ever.

i hate you

 

 today, i painted my toenails flat pink.
they match the apology flowers you brought me.
this was not done on purpose.

you havent written back, and that breaks my heart.

i want to change my style. and who i am.

i often feel this way

but im finally doing something about it. 

watch for music videos feature little star and i! they'reacomin'! 

look around you, cause you're not alone

When I wake up in the early morning
my arms search
the cool sheets for you.
You aren't here.
You nevere were.

And now,
tonight,
my whole body is inkstained.
and when i wash
i'll know when i am clean.

i hate being ignored.
but you arent ignoring me.
you simply arent around.
you arent here
which hurts the most.
If you're going to go,
go.
though you were never here.

the trees smiled at me today,
and the wind kissed my arms.
i like when they do that.
sometimes i pretend that you're there with me.
Think of it.
Walking in the heat
stopping for a lazy kiss
whenever we need
or selffishly want on.
think of it.
bare feet in the house.
no need to cover up.
we can leave all the windows open
we can leave the butter out.
i don't mind.

have a jolly snow day!

ever feel tired of the heavy stuff?
i need to let go more.
screw problems!
there's a great big world out there.
and it's beatuful 99.9% of the time.

i love the blizzard that is currently keeping my city at a stand still.

i love ice skating.

i love cleaning out the basement with my mum, and crying over the stuff we forgot about.

i love my family, for that matter, even if we don't always get along.

i love painting my toenails pink.

i love having a week off to be footloose and fancy free!
and, get some housework done :S

are you all pumped up for semester two (us manitobians i guess?
i have a feelin' this is going to be my semester!
english comprehensive, english literature, drama, choir, gym, chamber choir, vocal jazz, and universtiy one english!
busy? yes. exciting? oh hell yeah!

i love shopping with good friends,
whether it's for garter belts (ha!) or value village finds, or a new carpet.
just the act of being out and sharing ideas is the best.

whats your perfect date consist of? no, actually. what is it?

  inside silent dorm rooms
you and i
 run
   and create a rhythm of soft
     bare
       feet.
i ask for poetry
and reason
from your lips.
and get kisses on my cheek.


they aren't the same

and again youre gone
up in the sky
moving away from me
at about 300 miles per hour.
i say miles because soon that'll be the world you live in.
i guess you've lived there for a while.
you're just returning to
where you belong.
without me.
goodbye dear,
i'll see you in 5 or 6 months.
i hope.
goodbye dear,
i'm a little bit broken without you.
goodbye dear,
i'm going out to play.
because there's still a life that needs living.
it's not gonna stop for my grief.

after the battle, i painted stars in our bedroom.*