I want ownership
with none of the responsibilties.
i guess i'm weak. i guess i'm wrong. i guess i'm lazy. i guess i'm bad.
but i want what i want
and i need what i need
and you are an obligation
clawing at my door.
am i supposed to weep?
fall to my knees
when you say the word love
after handfulls of ecstasy?
no.
and i do not want
to clean up the messes you feel
i ought to.
ought.
duty?
no.
that's not me. not anymore.
September 12thSitting in Jack's bar that night, next to Don. His head ducked down, eyes fixed on his drink.
A kid. He had hit a kid. A little boy, no older than his Joey.
Don was the one to call the hospital. He had his cell phone out already- sending his wife a dirty text message.
The ambulance arrived in an attack of light and sound. George stll, and will continue to for a long time to come, see those spinning red and blue lights when he closed his eyes.
The went to the ER, and was found to have two seperate breaks on his left leg, as well as a large collection of cuts and bruises on his side, back, and face, as well as a second degree concusion.
"An almost comical amount of damage for such a small collision" George thought to himself, with no humor.
This thought he followed with a dreaing of the beer in his right hand.
He set it down. It made a sad, empty 'clunk' as it made contact with the counter. He ordered another one.
This was one's sound was much better, and fuller.
George got home late, quite late, but not drunk. He was a man who could hold his liquor.
The house was dark and silent, so he picked his way carefully to the bathroom.
Where he realized he had forgotten to buy toliet paper after all. Shit.
He made do with kleenex.
He crawled gently into bed, so as not to wake Mary. He looked at her blonde, soft hair, and her slowly rising and falling back. Since when was she wearing her hair short like that?
George remembers what is was like to live alone. He remembers cooking for himself. He remembers losing his key. He remembers the size, or lack there of, of his perfectly square apartment. It was like living in a giant cube. He remembers hating the smell of the building.
He remembers falling asleep on the couch, because his bed was just too big and empty.
He remembers when Mary moved in, and how he loved falling asleep knowing she was there. He remembers enjoying how she would smile and sigh in her sleep exactly 2.3 seconds before she rolled over, and how it made him feel like a hero to keep her warm when she was shivering. He remembers the safety of knowing she'd still be there when he woke up.
He remembers all of that.
What he doesn't remember is when he stopped loving it, or why.
George watched her sleeping for a few minutes longer, and then, with a sigh barely preceptable to even the most careful of listeners, he turned his back to her, and went to sleep.
i love sunflowers.
because they always face the sun.
Even when the clouds are out, they still know where it is.
And that's inspiring.
Side note:
Everyone's making a big deal over the lists.
Here's my final say on them.
I'm disappointed in myself for not getting into a better group.
I'm proud of the people who did.
I'm ready to make this year and my group, fantastic.
And I just wish that everyone else would take the same stance as me.
The end.
School has been so busy lately. But this year is a good year.
I'm sorry my blogs have been lacking in pictures. I'll make up for it later. Although I do say that an awful lot, don't I?
I'm feeling really content right now. I think I'll call my boy and ask him if he wants to go for a pointless drive.
I like who we are, when we drive in your car.
Hello everyone!
I'm posting from my best friend's laptop. I'm having issues getting over the weirdness of the keyboard.
Anywho, as promised, although very, very late, here is my list of summer highlights!!
Camp!
This year I spent two weeks at International Music Camp. Huzzah!
First week was nothing but Drama. Theater. Play writing.
At one point during the week, I made one of my guy friends laughed until he drooled.
During the final evening of drama week, I sat in the grass with said friend, and we watched the sun set.
I recieved a Playwriting award. I cried.
Second week, Choir week.
Dustin and I lay in the grass and napped while some kids played bluegrass off in the distance
Joseph and I singing together in his private practise room. Phantom of the Opera. Time to say Goodbye.
Walking back after private lessons, through the forest. Music drifting around me. Random songs and bits of classical music. The birch trees swooshing at me.
Jordan
He took me for dinner. He changed a tire. He got his hands dirty.
We walked in a wheat field.
He held my hand.
General?
Swimming with Steven.
Watching the sunrise by myself.
A day of adventure with Trish and Chloe.
Countless walks for coffee.
Sleeping in til 2pm!
Being barefoot
School tomorrow.
Which means summer is leaving.
Today, it is raining out.
I think I'm fine with that.
I've made my peace with summer. Shook it's hand and kissed it goodbye. We are the best of friends every year, and I know next year will be no different.
Tomorrow I'll post something lovely and long, including a list of my summer highlights, pictures and all.
For now, I have school to get ready for. A room to clean. Tea to make. Walks to be had. People to be chatted with.
So long, farewell
etc
goodbye
Dear World,
HE LIKES ME!
We went for coffee. Then I helped him run errands.
Then we went to Oak Bluff, the small municpality outside the city where he lives.
"My aunt lives there. My grandmother there. The Morrisons there. That's where I went to school. There's my dad working in the fields there. That's where I had my first job, there's where my mom works."
We went to a wheat field. We sat in the box of his pickup. We were silent. Nothing needed to be said.
The world was quiet. The wind was blowing the wheat. The crickets were singing.
I laughed because we had sparkles on our fingers. I smeared it on his face. He laughed and smeared mine.
We walked up to the edge of the field.
"Reckon' it's wet?"
"Probably."
"Reckon I care?"
"From the why you're looking at it? No."
The other day at the beach, we ran head first into the water, only to find it freezing.
This time, we walked into the field carefully. The ground was dry as you please.
We went a ways in. We were laughing. He showed me how to eat the wheat stalkes that are almost ready.
Our laughter echo'd out across the fields and into places beyond us.
Silence suited us just as well as speaking did.
World, I found in this one spot, the place I belong.
He texted me afterwards.
"I had alot of fun today. We should make a real date next time. Not that this improvising isn't fun and all..."
"I'd like that a lot :)"
